As 2021 crawls to an end, a Mosman Banker has enjoyed a good old fashioned daydream while on route to his York Street office.

Sitting on the 173X bus from his leafy lower North Shore enclave to Wynyard, The Advocate understands 33-year-old investment banker, Hugo Bale, has been deep in thought thinking about how he’d go in prison.

The daydream session comes as thousands of Australians both home and abroad mark the 21st of December by firing up their Spotify accounts and listening to the classic Paul Kelly Christmas carol, ‘How to Make Gravy’.

Speaking to The Advocate, Mr Bale has confided that he believes that he’d be able to ‘hold his own’, if forced to survive a year in Her Majesty’s Hotel.

“Jail’s all about the long game, I reckon I could outsmart most of those idiots in there if I’m honest,” said Mr Bale.

“Obviously I’d have to bulk up a bit first, I’d probably hit the yard each day and get myself some Goulburn biceps”.

“But after a few weeks I reckon I’d be able to make a name for myself, throw my weight around a bit and show em’ who’s boss”.

Wearing a $1500 suit that’s worth more than a month’s accommodation at Oberon Correctional Centre, The Advocate understands Mr Bale plans to listen to ‘How To Make Gravy’ on repeat from the remainder of the morning, 

“I do love this song, especially on these Bang and Olufsen noise-cancelling headphones… it almost feels like you’re in the jail cell with him.”

“Also it’s a good reminder to go easy on the cologne…”

Onto his 6th rotation of the Paul Kelly classic, Mr Bale has told The Advocate he might even start boxing in the new year..

“Yeah I’ve been wanting to join that UpperCut gym on Elizabeth street, I think I might even try and do some pro corporate fights.”

“Some of the insider trades I pulled off this year could easily land me in the big house, so I should probably start preparing!”

More to come.


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