The Nation

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Treasurer Josh Frydenberg has suddenly realised this morning, to his horror, that he has to try to get the nation back on track without taxing the rich or big business fairly. While enjoying his usual morning cup of spearmint tea, he suffered the moment of clarity. "Fuck," he whispered into the steam "What the fuck am I...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact One of our small desert community's most wealthy residents has lashed out at the Federal Government today after they've continued their hard line on China in theses trying times. Wallace John Pearson, a semi-retired property developer, said his company didn't donate thousands to the Liberal Party to be treated like this. The 76-year-old owns a number...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Despite nobody in the Betoota Shire Council receiving the kiss of death from the vengeful pangolin, two young women from our town's north spent yesterday one-upping each other over who's the most essential right now. Local teacher Denise Coleman and Betoota Base Hospital nurse Annie Redpath were sat next to each other a four-person iso-busting...

FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT The youth of Australia are breathing a collective sigh of relief today after police forces across the country announced that mainies are considered essential travel. The ‘mainie’, a complex manoeuvre involving driving from one end of the local Main Street to the other, possibly multiple times, has long been a favourite past-time of those who are suddenly old enough...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A popular local barman has reached out to the government this afternoon in an effort to quash their fears over re-opening the pubs. Dennis O'Leary, a sports bar barman at Dexy's All Nighter in the French Quarter, penned a short letter to Scott Morrison today to make sure the chief shot-caller knew a few...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The National Cabinet has agreed restaurants and cafes will be allowed to reopen under the first stage of eased coronavirus restrictions. It's up to the state and territory leaders to enact those changes should they deem fit. One notable omission from that list is pubs and clubs, which will remain close until Stage 3 of...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact After every other attempt to wriggle out of a Sunday lunch with his in-laws, a local man has developed a mystery cough out of nowhere that's got him feeling on edge. By the grace of God, Nick Rozullo's fiance, Millie, is now concerned not only for her parent's welfare - but also her fiance's. "You hate...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The release of the Royal Commission's findings into institutional child abuse within the Catholic Church in Ballarat has outlined Cardinal George Pell knew abuse was going on under his authority but elected to do nothing except shield the perpetrators from justice and lie. That's lead to the Royal Commission to conclude that Pell, who was...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The Northern Territory only has three active cases of coronavirus at the time of print and the pubs are opening directly. To end envy of the rest of the nation. While roadblocks are still in places, preventing Southerners from entering the Never Never, the Territory Government has asked the creators of their unofficial tourism campaign to...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The bottom drawer streaming service, Foxtel, revealed yesterday to shareholders that without the opiate of sport, the company is really 'struggling' to generate revenue. Aside from those shareholders, the rest of the nation is awash with schadenfreude this morning because of the news. Schadenfreude is a German word that means finding pleasure from another person's misfortune. That...