The Nation

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact One of our town's most violent people will now have to find somewhere else to buy his jeans today after Dutch denim giant G-Star Raw failed to find a buyer for their Australian businesses and will close their doors forever. Speaking to The Advocate this morning, Mark Hellerberg said he just loved the way G-Stars...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact New Zealand all but crushed the Pangolin's Kiss in recent months, only for it to pop back up in the community in the past few days. That news shocked the world as the Land of the Long Silver Cloud was touted by experts as being the response by which all coronavirus responses would be measured. The...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The hivemind behind Channel Seven's breakfast television show, Sunrise, has defended accusations that the show isn't diverse enough, telling audiences that one of the most beloved characters on the show is of a multicultural background. Cashcow, a popular bovine that showers cash down upon the masses from time to time, was born to a Fresian...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact According to a Sunrise poll and a Domino’s Pizza social media post it is in fact a very hard time to be called Karen right now.  Hailing from The Netherlands, Karen was traditionally a shorthand name for Katherine, becoming popular in the mid twentieth century, particularly in 1956 where 2% of newborn American girls were given the name. The oft-used...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The people of Western Australia, the Tuskens, have been granted immunity by their de facto leader Mark McGowan today should they shoot mining magnate Clive Palmer's plane down if he decided to come to the hermit state without permission. The Tuskens have been maintaining a watch from the Nullabor to the Kimberly along their border,...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact In an effort to cut spending, the government has suggested that students that have white dog shit for brains might lose their right to the HECS/HELP scheme that sees thousands of underprivileged Australians gain access to higher education each year. In the briefing today, Scott Morrison warned that students that do as badly as Paul...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Local inner-city NewsCorp journalist, Karina Motley, is one of those 'good ones' that you feel sorry for every time you read an Andrew Bolt column that humanises pedophiles, or a Miranda Devine tweet that vilifies people with disabilities. Ever since childhood, Karina has made it her duty to uphold the 4th estate, and it's just an unlucky part of...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The enquiry into the second wave of coronavirus in Victoria has concluded that it wasn't a randy security guard that fucked everything for us, it was the night manager of the hotel and the whole thing was just an accident waiting to happen. Members of the Melbourne Horny Security Guard community are now calling for...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Just after lunch today, a local real estate agent drove a van packed full of placards and empty single-use plastic bottles into The Betoota Advocate's reception area. Police were called a short time later and they arrested Stephen John O'Kelly, who was unconscious behind the wheel following the impact. It's understood by The Advocate that the...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A Betoota Grove fireman-in-training has complete his first lights-on sirens-on lunch run to the local pizza chain restaurant. Making a quick trip down to the shops in a screaming firetruck is a right of passage for every firefighter and this morning, it was Matthew Lauder's turn. The 22-year-old said he'd been a to plenty of fires...