ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

The enquiry into the second wave of coronavirus in Victoria has concluded that it wasn’t a randy security guard that fucked everything for us, it was the night manager of the hotel and the whole thing was just an accident waiting to happen.

Members of the Melbourne Horny Security Guard community are now calling for an apology from the nation’s media, in particular, NewsCorp.

NewsCorp responded to the calls from the Security Guards this morning, telling the community no.

“No,” said NewsCorp in an official statement.

“No apology for you.”

For weeks, the Melbourne Horny Security Guard community was vilified by the Herald Sun and the other high-functioning sucked mango seeds on Victorian radio and television.

None of which have offered an apology today and that angered Greg Sidedoggy, one of the best known Horny Security Guards in Melbourne.

“I just think it’s disgusting that they can get away with it,” said Greg.

“Dragging us through the mud in the press for weeks and when the truth comes out, silence. Fuck the Herald Sun.”

More to come.

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