The Nation

Local Truckie Excited That Christmas Is Only Three Sleeps Away

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Local truckie, Bill Kirkpatrick is stoked that Christmas is only three, maybe four, sleeps away. Speaking to The Betoota Advocate this morning through clenched, gurning teeth, Bill says he's excited to get away to Port Macquarie with the missus over the Summer break. "It's gonna be a good chance to switch off," he said, while erratically adjusting his side mirror. "I've...

General Pants fires salesperson on-the-spot for playing Toby Keith in-store

18 September, 2016. 10:34 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact THOUGH HE'S NOT AS GOOD as he once was, Kenny Carpmann could sell a denim jacket to a recalcitrant teenage girl while he sold a pair of sunnies to a blind man. But the star salesman was fired on the spot yesterday from his position at Chermside General Pants after he plugged the AUX...

Australian Mint To Replace Queen Elizabeth With The King On All 50c Coins

15 September, 2016. 10:15  CLANCY OVERELL | Editor| CONTACT The Royal Australian Mint announced this morning that it will be releasing a limited edition 50c coin in the New Year that will feature one of Australia’s greatest sportsmen of all time, the Emperor Of Lang Park, Wally 'The King' Lewis The announcement comes after an intense campaign was run to pressure the Mint...

Father of three teenage girls can finally quit abusing Valium as Bachelor ends

16 September, 2016. 12:34 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A LOCAL FATHER OF FOUR feels that he can finally stop abusing a powerful muscle-relaxant as Network Ten's runaway dating show The Bachelor, came to a controversial end last night in Bali. Valium, diazepam, benzos - whatever you call the magic little pills, they've kept 61-year-old Walter Greenshaw sane against insurmountable odds. As a doting...

Finance Worker Content With Being The Least Interesting Member Of His Squad

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact ARMED WITH THE GUMMIEST SMILE in New Farm and an economics degree from a sandstone university, Gavin Coolidge has the rest of his life charted out with professional and society milestones clearly plotted out ahead of him. Married prematurely last year at age 29, the credit solutions executive agrees that having a ring on the...

Melbourne Coffee Artist Claims He’s Been Calling Chet Faker ‘Nick Murphy’ For Years

13 September, 2016. 12:10 ROY MARTIN | Music | Contact An announcement by the artist formerly known as Chet Faker last week that he would prefer to go by his actual name, Nick Murphy, from now on has been met with excitement around the world. That is, for everyone besides Jacob, 29, a barista/barman working around Melbourne’s Brunswick street for the past 10 years. Jacob has been...

Malcolm Turnbull Makes Surprise Appearance At Gulgong Terriers’ Mad Monday

12 September, 2016. 12:05 CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Despite finishing their season with a hard fought 22-28 loss in the Group 14 grand final against the Gilgandra Panthers on Saturday, The Gulgong Bull Terriers' have had their spirits lifted by a surprise appearance from Prime Minister Turnbull at their Mad Monday celebrations today. The proud rugby league club, who's first grade players have been...

Betoota Hotel Back Out Of The Red After Installing Eight More Brickie’s Laptops

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact AFTER A LONG DAY of breaking shit up and throwing in a skip bin, Gregor Townsend wants nothing more than to head down to his local piss house and put his hard-earning into Pelican Pete, his favourite poker machine. Slurping his way through his first ice cold schoon-rat of the afternoon like a plumper on...

Local grandpa wonders if grandson would have it in him to bayonet a Japanese teenager like he did

9 September, 2016. 14:34 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact THOUGH HE COULDN'T BE happier that total war has been relegated to the history books of mankind, a 96-year-old retired Army Captain can't help but wonder if his 26-year-old full-time stay-at-home grandson has it in him to thrust a bayonet into someone - something asked of the nation's youth just 70 short...

Daily Telegraph to replace renowned World News section with Salim Mehajer live blog

8 September, 2016. 14:34 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact FIRST THE BBC WORLD SERVICE left their home at BBC Bush House in central London, then The New York Times closed their correspondent desks around the world - now Sydney's Daily Telegraph is closing down their world-renowned World News section. Rather than trim the paper down and perhaps save some online server...

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