The Nation

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Barnaby Joyce has reportedly caused a bit of a scene this afternoon, after a heated run-in with a Bunnings' employee. The Deputy Prime Minister who was fined for not wearing a mask at a petrol station in Armidale this week has raised eyebrows again, by giving a local retail employee a bit of a rundown on international human...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The man in charge of the country while the boss is away is today preparing a vicious piece to camera. Barnaby Joyce, the returned Deputy Prime Minister of Australia is reportedly firing up for a selfie style video after being fined for not wearing a mask. The Leader of the Nationals who is filling in for a...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT With Queensland reporting three new community transmissions yesterday, the state government have announced that masks have been made mandatory in greater Brisbane. Queenslanders are also urged to be careful with their movements and to avoid crowds. While there have been no lockdowns or stay-at-home orders implemented just yet, residents have taken these social distancing restrictions as a warning -...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Darwin's lockdown has been extended until Friday and one local man is now fearing the eight cartons of West Australian craft beer might not get him through. Dwayne Spears told our reporter via telephone this afternoon that there was no Betoota Long Haul Midstrength left, there wasn't even any Betoota heavy. There wasn't even a...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The ever relatable Prime Minister has today informed the public that he 'gets it.' Speaking from his isolation quarters, the nation's Head of Marketing explained that nobody needs to convince him how annoying lockdowns are, because he's been couped up for 7 days already. "Mate, bloody hell, it's doing my head in aye," said Morrison today, empathising with...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Prime Minister Scott Morrison has expressed his stress and frustrations at the state leaders this morning after they all fronted media to say it was Scott's fault the Pangolin's Wrath is back in the community ruining weddings again. Speaking to the media this morning via video link, the PM came out on the offensive. "I...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT That's right. 8 straight. 11 out of 12 series. Don't ever forget it. This report comes after NSW won it's first series in a row last night, beating an undermanned Queensland team. The NSW win came after Maroons rookie Ronaldo Mulitalo was banned from playing last minute, and generational talents Kayln Ponga, Harry Grant and Reece Walsh ruled...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT A well-known pinger rat has officially hung up his party shoes and become a respectable human being, after a solid 15 years of depraved behaviour, it’s reported. Ben or ‘Baccy Ben’, as he was affectionately known by his former classmates, has allegedly turned a new leaf, and emerged as a spiritual yoga instructor without any help from psychedelics. It’s whispered...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT When it comes to alcohol related party games, none are quite as dangerous as ‘Never have I ever.’ Known for almost always becoming sexual, ‘Never have I ever’ is a drinking game that involves people going around in a circle and announcing things they’ve never done, with those who have, required to drink. Best played with a group of well...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Betoota Ponds fitness junkie Peter Papadopolous (30) chowed down some serious iron man food this morning thanks to iconic breakfast cereal, Nutri Grain. Produced by Big-Breaky power player Kellogg's, Nutri Grain is said to be the breakfast of champions, with 20% protein content and decades worth of advertising claiming to be the number one breakfast choice of athletes and...