The Nation

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The Prime Minister broke his week-long silence this morning to explain why and how the country is back in lockdown after just a handful of cases. "We need to protect the people who vote for me," said Scott Morrison this morning outside The Lodge in Canberra. "And the only way we can do that without jabs...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A local multi-mutli-millionaire is desperately trying to tie up some lose ends today, as the public service week comes to a close. Mascot Opal (54) says he needs to sink his construction company before anything goes wrong. "All this fucking paperwork, red tape fucking bull shit," said the stressed property developing Dover Heights home owner. "I need to...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A Betoota Heights man has caused his mates to shake their heads, after a questionable financial decision this afternoon.  Sam Hensen (28) did so when he decided to purchase a bunch of new fishing shit for a group trip away, and dumped it straight on some high-interest credit card he signed up to years ago.  “Yeah just these bad boys,”...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT While the rest of the Federal cabinet has been looking to stay away from work over the last few days, the Deputy Prime Minister has rolled his sleeves up and gotten into a bit of hard yakka. Not afraid to get his hands dirty, Anti-Mask Barnaby has decided to tackle the most pressing issue the nation faces head...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact There are thousands of Australians stuck overseas who complain about not being able to come home for a myriad of reasons. Atop the list is having flights cancelled, as well as not having the financial means to keep on paying for flights that don't end up taking off. Today, the Federal Government has updated their advice...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The people who live around one of the country's great sewers have been criticised by their government this afternoon for not taking the threat of this savage influenza seriously. Images of a packed Bondi Beach were met with mild apathy and wry cough-laughs around the country because once again, the cashed-up yuppie cunts that live...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A group of Australian workers has today revoked their coveted essential worker status, and headed home to lockdown this afternoon. The huge decision comes for a significant number of tradesman, who handed in their essential worker cards late this morning after a single drop of rain landed on their union run sight. With lockdowns and outbreaks all to...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT After managing to keep his expectations for the English football team in check for the better part of 6 months, a local Pom has finally decided to go all in today. With the scars from the 2018 World Cup starting to fade just enough, French Quarter Englishman Scott Doyle has confirmed this morning that 'it's coming home.' The...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The nation's highest ranking anti-masker has today put forward an interesting suggestion to the Prime Minister. Barnaby Joyce has suggested to an isolating Scott Morrison, that he should have a look at purchasing some of those light machines Pete Evans was going on about. This comes after the Deputy Prime Minister in a system where politicians make the...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT As Sydney and its surroundings finish up another day of lockdown, residents of the region are hoping for better news in the coming days. With the majority of the locked-down residents feeling constricted by not being able to leave their homes and suburbs unless, for essential reasons, plenty of eagle-eyed residents have been keeping an eye out to...