The Nation

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT NSW Premier Gladys Berejiklian has raised the bat at today's 11am press conference, after finally cracking the 4 digits. New South Wales has recorded 1029 new local cases up to 8pm last night. It is the first time daily cases numbers have exceeded the 1000 mark. "C'mon!!!" cried Hot Mess Gladys, as she went on to announce the non-terrifying...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Victoria has recorded 45 new cases. This is very bad news. 35 of those are linked and nine are still being investigated and only 17 were in isolation for their infectious period. This is also very bad news. On top of this, only 31,629 people received a jab in the state hubs yesterday - and that's simply not good...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A local man in the Southern Corner of Queensland has today set off to track down some prey. Speaking to us from the Stone Age city of Brisbane, Everton Park explained that he was heading off to hunt some yum cha. "Me hungry," said the Brisbane cave resident. "Me no feel like Sushi or Guzman today. I hunt...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT NSW Premier Gladys Berejiklian appears to have undergone an 'emo' transformation today, as she fronts the 11am press conference with dark eyeliner and nothing but bad news. Her state has recorded 919 new cases of the virus overnight and two deaths, another record spike that seems to have undermined all of the positivity that was beaming after yesterday's...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A Perth man has responded to the Australian Prime Minister's comments about his state yesterday. Speaking to us from the heart of the Democratic People’s Republic Of Western Australia (DPRWA), local Engineer Ned Lands explained that he's not really too sure what the sledge was about. "Pretty odd-looking cave to me," laughed the man enjoying some happy hour...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT While Newcastle Sydney and Wollongong (NSW) are still facing an indefinite period in lockdown as a result of incompetent state and federal leaders, there is some good news to report this week. Health Minister Brad 'The Breakfast Sausage In A Suit' Hazzard has faced the media to claim that his state is jabbing people at a 'faster rate...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT 19-year-old Ally Martin is very well aware that there is a lot she doesn't understand about the world yet. For one, she has no idea what the Afghanistan War was all about. This is because she was born three years after 9/11 and therefore can't really fathom how scary terrorism was twenty years ago. She's also never really understood...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT WAKE UP JEFF! One of the most successful musical exports in Australian entertainment history has today been warned by conservatvie culture warmongers that they will go broke in their effort to expand their market to a wider audiences. The Wiggles, a titan of kids entertainment that earns an estimated $30m annually with lucrative TV deals, global tours and...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The New Zealand Stock Exchange suffered one of its worst days in recent history yesterday after it lost close to 40% of the market's value. Following the news of a prolonged lockdown, it was a $35 bloodbath that saw some of Aotearoa's largest companies endure even more pain. One of them being Humpadink's Pianos in Wellington,...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Prime Minister Scotty From Marketing has today fronted a press conference with hideous scaring down the left side of his face, a physical ailment that has caused almost immediate changes to his political approach. The scars are believed to be the result of an an acid attack from the NSW Treasurer Dominic Perrottet, who has grown tired of...