Sports

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Rising NRL superstar, Latrell Mitchell, will break all records in the history of organised sport next year - as hysterical sports journalists report that he's expected to play over 100 different NRL matches. According to the rabid media speculators, including the creeps that work for the social media team at NRL.com, the Sydney Roosters fullback has signed five different...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A local problem gambler named Dale Hampson has been forced to innovate and think outside the box today it can be confirmed. After a stinker of a day on the punt for the Betoota Heights engineer, the very eligible bachelor was hoping to recoup some of his losses. However, that plan has come crashing down after the announcement...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The dulcet tones of Tongan hymns and general che-hooing are still serenading the streets Western Sydney and South Brisbane two days after the Pacific Islanders defeated Australia 16-12 at Eden Park. This marks the first time Australia lost to a team other than England, New Zealand or Great Britain, which was against France in 1978. One of the more exciting...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT In a huge win for the nation of South Africa, the Springboks have somehow managed to take home the FIFA World Cup. Taking out the English in a high scoring affair, the Springboks managed to bring home the cup after an impressive displaying of kicking for 80 minutes. Following last years FIFA World Cup winners France, South Africa...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The fallout from Australia's exit from the Rugby World Cup has continued, with Rugby Australia CEO Raelene Castle today announcing drastic new measures to buoy the boys. Australia crashed out of the Rugby World Cup at the quarterfinal stage in Oita, when the Wallabies conceded their biggest-ever score against England at a Rugby World Cup. Going down a 40-16. After five...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT While the nation gears up for Halloween tonight, the winner of the best costume has already announced it can be confirmed. Cooper Cronk just won Halloween! Despite the fact that huge numbers of children and adults are set to hit the streets in fancy dress-ups, Cooper Cronk has already taken out the Best Dressed award for the nation. The...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A rapidly ageing finance worker in the Old City District named Brad Wilkin is in desperate need of a partner it can be confirmed today. This comes after the 29-year-old looked like a pig in muck while checking out the Sheffield Scorecard's this afternoon. The Betoota Heights resident who has been in a vicious cycle of getting too...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT In some breaking rugby league news, The Betoota Advocate can exclusively reveal the Sydney Roosters have made a big play to land cross-code superstar Sonny Bill Williams. After reports emerged that the Toronto Wolf Pack had tabled a staggering $9 million deal to the two time World Cup Winning All Black, the Sydney Roosters have wasted little time countering the...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT South Africa's success in the Rugby World Cup is even tougher to stomach than it should be, it can be confirmed. With the Springboks cruising into the final against England after outmuscling a lifeless Wales overnight, a new report has confirmed that the scrum half's beautiful blonde locks make the success even worse. The report confirmed that the...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact LaMelo Ball has taken the time today to take in a little bit of local culture it can be confirmed. The young superstar who sensationally signed with Illawarra Hawks in the NBL, asked some of the guys he is now playing with to show him around Wollongong. After a quick swim at Fairy Meadow following training, a...