Cost Of Living Crisis: $15 Glass Of Wine Not Even Given An RSL Pour
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA local woman has this week decided she’s okay with the world burning, after a simple dinner out saw her forking out over $50 for a chicken schnitzel (without chips) and one glass of wine.
Speaking to The Advocate, Alesha Horton says she’s ‘fucking done with everything’, and that she now plans on spending her weekends drinking goon in...
Bloke Regretting Moving In With GF After Realising Ke$ha Needs To Be Taken Out For A Shit Five Times A Day
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA local bloke has found himself regretting his decision to move onto the next stage of his relationship, having not been prepared for the sheer amount of time and effort it would take to look after a dog in a small apartment.
Jamie Wells says he’d never really liked his girlfriend, Tara's dog, only tolerating Ke$ha at the...
Boyishly Charming Charity Pest Gently Swindles Nanna Into Foreign Concept Known As Direct Debits
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA local nan has today been unable to withstand the cheeky charm of an English backpacker, who managed to nab her attention by commenting on how lovely her hair looked today, it’s reported.
Belinda Coleman is alleged to have been doing a grocery run when she’d walked past a charity booth manned by two very cute, charming gentlemen,...
Dad Unable To Understand Drinking Game Where Beer Is Punishment
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTBetoota dad David Curtain (51) is the first to admit he doesn’t really get it anymore but that’s fine as he was once a good looking rooster back when things, like music, were good.Yet even with the Abe Simpsonian acceptance that his time has been and gone, Curtain simply cannot seem to wrap his head around what his...
No Skateboarding Sign Shown The Respect It Deserves
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTA committed young shredder has shown the local council, world and step dad what he thinks of them by giving the local NO SKATEBOARDING sign the respect it deserves.Earlier today, future lord Benjamin Pike (11) went for a vertical plank on his four-wheeled pony with the sort of speed and nihilistic ambition only a young skater in regional...
Woman Forced To Build New Bathroom Cabinet To Accommodate Ridiculous Dyson Hairdryer Packaging
TRACEY BENDINGER | Society | ContactDespite having a freshly renovated bathroom, local woman Nastasia Smythe has today been forced to take a crowbar to her vanity in order to make space for her new Dyson hairdryer.
Nastasia purchased a Dyson Supersonic Hairdryer, but unbeknownst to her, the compact hairdryer and its five superfluous attachments comes packed in about 10 kilograms of bulky, unnecessary packaging....
Pharmacist Loudly Gives Rundown On How To Use Thrush Cream As If Woman Was Going To Rub It On Her Gums
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA local woman’s quest to get some thrush cream has ended up being a lot more difficult than needed today, after a pharmacist decided to give a step by step rundown to pretty much everyone in the line, it’s reported.
Evelyn Schmidt says she’d gotten a case of the itchies (which pretty much every woman deals with multiple...
Mum Furious At Daughter For Forgetting To Remind Her To Remember Shopping Bags
TRACEY BENDINGER | Society | ContactThere have been reports of absolute scenes down at the underground Coles carpark in lower Betoota Heights after a daughter failed to remind her grown mother to remember to take her shopping bags into the supermarket.
Witnesses were alerted to the incident after Janelle, the mother of Jessica, was scene storming back to her 2016 silver Lexus while muttering...
Upper Middle Class Woman In Mid Twenties Torn Between Moving To Another City Or Studying Psychology
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactFrench Quarter woman Rachel Hendricks has this week found herself going through the ‘single woman’s quarter life crisis’, which sees her either contemplating a complete change of scenery or going back to university.
Prompted by yet another dismal week for working with shitty clients, Rachel says she’s been feeling really stagnant, and just simply can’t go on ‘merely...
Small Town Influencer Shakes Up Weeks Of Binge Drinking By Posting Moody Visit To Local Art Gallery
KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACTOne of Betoota’s biggest micro-influencers has switched up her usual Instagram content today with an uncharacteristic visit to an art gallery.
After weeks of posting nothing but top down shots of her weekend margaritas and a few low light selfies with her girl gang in various restaurant bathrooms, local girl Britnee Walters (25) spent Sunday cruising the...
