Bill Shorten’s Office Found Empty Following #LibSpill Announcement
14 September, 2015. 16:20
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact
#BREAKING ABC reporters have been unable to locate the whereabouts of Opposition Leader, Bill Shorten MP, following the announcement of Liberal Party leaderships challenge.
Moments ago, Communications Minister Malcolm Turnbull announced to the world that he was challenging Prime Minister Tony Abbott's role as leader of Liberal Party, an announcement that many feel has...
Julia Gillard mentors Malcolm Turnbull ahead of leadership showdown
14 September, 2015. 15:36
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
FORMER PRIME MINISTER Julia Gillard has reportedly visited the openly-republican communications minister Malcolm Turnbull this morning after speculation over his leadership aspirations reached boiling point. Ms Gillard was seen walking the yard with the 60-year-old in his Point Piper enclave early this morning.
Adding fuel to the fire, Mr Turnbull was observed...
NRL Clubs Rush To Sign Rising Young, Quite Obviously Problematic And Anti-Social, Star
IMRAN GASHKORI | Sports Editor | Contact
As The National Rugby League enters the opening rounds of finals footy for 2018, many clubs are looking back at an unpredictable year that was.
A few early bursts of talent and a few semi-finals flops that no one saw. With that kind of inconsistency across the board, it is not hard to imagine why both the current contenders...
Reclaim Australia Movement Declares “War On The Betoota Advocate”
11 September, 2015. 05:00
SPECIAL REPORT| Contact
The Betoota Advocate has today been informed that we are to expect an abundance of hate mail and offensive vitriol from the controversial Australian cultural activists known as Reclaim Australia.
The anti-Islamic "Aussie Pride" group has today urged tens of thousands of members to "troll" our humble small-town newspaper, after taking offence at several articles...
National Geographic and Rupert Murdoch join forces to kill science
10 September, 2015. 16:10
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
THE NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC Society has entered into a partnership with Rupert Murdoch's 21st Century Fox empire, heralding a new direction for the former not-for-profit organisation. Despite being designed not to generate a profit, the society changed hands for nearly US$750 million - which has left members and subscribers baffled.
Since 1888, the...
A Mosque Will Ruin Our Crystal Meth-Ravaged Town, Says Bendigo Residents
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact
Opponents of the proposed Bendigo Mosque have launched action in the Victorian Court of Appeal to challenge the Victorian Civil and Administrative Tribunal's decision to approve the plans.
The tribunal's decision was followed by big demonstrations in Bendigo last month, when hundreds of people clashed in the city's CBD.
Local patriot, Paul Whiteman, has given his...
Abbott Announces Off-Planetary Solution For Syrian Asylum Seekers
9 September, 2015. 11:10
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact
The Australian Government today announced a 100-year economic model that shows a considerable reduction in the costs of global detention, as well as a humane solution for the hordes currently fleeing war and danger. Announcing a new Government department dedicated to finding solutions for an increasing stateless population, the PM fronted a press conference...
Fucking loser worried dishevelled Syrian refugee will take his job
8 September, 2015. 14:46
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
NATHAN DECANTER earns a little more than somebody on the NewStart allowance. Each morning, he rises at 4:30am to make the hour long commute to his job at an abattoir in Rockhampton. While he certainly wasn't, by his own admission, the best student at school - he can still read and write...
POWER COUPLE: Senator Lambie and Senator Xenophon are official!
8 September, 2015. 10:10
CROUCH CHARLES | Canberra | Contact
According to insiders, two of the country's highest profile federal senators Jaqui Lambie and Nick Xenophon are official!
This news comes alongside news that the two have forged a political alliance in an attempt to win more seats at the next election.
Sources close to both parties have confirmed that Nick Xenophon secured the heart...
Shane Watson honoured with touching video: “15 minutes of incompetence”
7 September, 2015. 14:56
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
THE PERENNIAL EXPERIMENT has come to a conclusion - one many Australians knew the answer to years ago. Cricketing journeyman Shane Watson announced his retirement from all forms of Test cricket yesterday morning. He joins a long list of brilliantly talented players of the short game who failed to conquer the Test...