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LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT The buzz of a thousand electric razors was heard across the nation today as young men from all walks of life decided it was high time to get rid of their mullets. The catalyst of what is being referred to as ‘The Great Unmulleting’ has been identified as substitute teacher William Grambliski who showed up for a PE shift...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT The entrepreneurial spirit is alive in some sense in the newly developed West Betoota Shrublands housing precinct. Local millennial Baden Podovic is the newest resident of the tightly knit community after securing a schmick new home loan that he’d rather not talk about unless it is to a therapist. And so it was, the young man defied the standards of...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet |CONTACT A Betoota Heights man has been forced to be a god damn grown up this week, after having the training wheels taken off his adulthood.  24-year-old Blake Pancic has had to deal with the very real problem of having to go back to back on a pair of dirty jocks.  After the second consecutive year of undie free Christmas and...

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT One of Betoota’s most notorious party boys has made an impromptu visit to see his Grandma this week, as he looks to curate his outfits for Australia’s largest music festival. With a few days to go before jetting off to Byron for Splendour in the Grass, The Advocate understands local Boost Juice brewer Sam Bender was...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Billionaire and budding Bond villain Elon Musk has backed out of his proposed Twitter purchase which means the social media app is now only as toxic as it was before. Reportedly set to pay $44 billion USD to ‘own the libs’ Musk backed out of the deal citing that was really a bit too much to pay for an...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT A great injustice has taken place at Bunnings hardware stores across Australia this week. Last month, consumer group Choice revealed Bunnings were using facial recognition technology which uses video cameras to capture images of people’s faces as a unique faceprint which is then stored and can be compared with other faceprints. According to Bunnings head office, this invasion of privacy...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Although everyone basically already knew it, it has been confirmed that Australia is a sexist nation. It's been confirmed that more men called Anthony have served as Prime Minister, than any Australian women. Previously, popular Australian Prime Minister names have been Joseph and John but at this point in time, it's also been confirmed that 100% of currently...

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT A local Betoota family has had to put some funeral plans on hold this week, after an ageing Grandmother appears to have been brought back to life. After barely making it to her 87th birthday, local senior citizen Dorothy Walters is believed to have spent the last several weeks out of sorts at the Aged Care...

DR CHET SPEVENS | Finance Expert | CONTACT Dr Chet Spevens has decades of experience in the financial sector, and within this column, he teaches you how to not only survive these difficult economic times, but to thrive in them through practical steps that cultivate the necessary ‘Crazy Money Mind’ paradigm essential to creating wealth in Australia. Today, you will learn how...

RORY SALAZAR | Finance | CONTACT Staunch anti-mask protester turned staunch anti-sausage sizzle protester, ‘Bunnings Karen’, has gone viral once again this morning after visiting her local Bunnings store. This time, though, the oppressed living woman has set her sights on a far more sinister threat than wearing a facemask ever was, that of course being the unjust and criminal mark-up in the price...