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Bono Still Taking Up Space In iPhone Like A Fuckwit

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact A recent report by people who have opened up their Music folder in the last year has found that U2 are still sitting in there without permission. "For fuck's sake" says one iPhone user, Bridie (24), who walks at the Betoota Cobb & Co liquor outlet. "I haven't ever liked this band. This better not be taking up memory space....

GBRF Announce Plans To Spend $444 Million Painting All The Coral Pretty Colours Again

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact The Great Barrier Reef Foundation (GBRF) has revealed today what they plan to do with the $444 million dollar grant they have been given. Anna Marsden, the Managing Director of the GBRF, an organisation shadow directed by mining companies, sat down with The Betoota Advocate for an exclusive interview. After receiving the largest ever non-profit grant in the nation's history,...

Sky News Admits It Was ‘Wrong’ To Air Interview With Serial Backpacker Murderer Ivan Milat

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact After a heavy backlash from viewers, Sky News Australia says it was wrong to air an interview with convicted serial killer and current inmate at Goulburn Supermax, Ivan Milat. The former Belanglo State Forest-based road worker was invited onto the Adam Giles Show for a studio interview and spoke with the former Northern Territory chief minister about protecting countries against "foreign...

Fairly Standard Quarter Life Crisis Put Down To ‘Toxic People’

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact A local Betoota woman who doesn't like her job, is having a pretty textbook falling out with a few of her girlfriends, and is still reeling from a bit of a messy break up, has decided that all of her woes come down to the fact that she has too many toxic people in her life. Christina Moffat (24)...

Turnbull Accidentally Hugs Own Staffer After Mistaking Her For Generic Akubra-Wearing Farmer

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact In great news for drought-stricken farmers, Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull has dusted off the old Akubra and made his way west of the Sydney Fish Markets for the first time since Barnaby Joyce's frenzied by-election win. But this time, it wasn't to help ensure Barnaby Joyce was gainfully employed before he revealed to the world that he had a...

Office Worker Too Proud To Admit The Standing Desk Thing Was Just A Phase

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact Just over a month ago city worker, Claire Oakden, kicked up quite a stink in the office around the negative health problems associated with sitting desks, so much so that HR felt obliged to buy her a standing desk. Now, a mere month after Claire’s ‘sitting is the new smoking’ tirade, cracks are starting to appear in her holier-than-thou...

First Big Night On The Piss After Dry July Big Enough To Undermine Health Benefits Of Dry July

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact 31 days spent not touching any grog were all for nothing, it has been confirmed. That's according to local accountant and prominent boozehound, Kylie Reid (30) who recently undertook the gruelling month-long abstinence from alcohol. The 8th of August marked the first Saturday arvo drinks that Kylie had taken part in since the start of July, meaning she had had...

Police Launch Investigation To Find The Dog Who Tried To Set Up Bryan Fletcher

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Detectives from the New South Wales Police Major Crimes Unit have launched an investigation into a video that surfaced earlier this week which shows NRL personality Bryan Fletcher being stitched up. The footage, which allegedly shows Fletcher (44) looking to purchase a small zip-lock bag of what seems like an illicit substance from an 'Uber'...

ALP Gets A Bit Cocky After By-Elections And Announce Plans To Begin Executing Bank Executives

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact ALP Leader Bill Shorten recorded a resounding victory over Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull's government, winning four of five Federal by-elections around the country, to return the seats that he had already won last election but actually lost because his own colleagues couldn't remember where the fuck their parents were born. Hundreds of thousands of Australians went to the polls...

Social Media Post Funny Enough To Warrant Dropping A ‘B’ In Front Of The ‘ahaha’

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact A local tradesman has today given a humorous social media post a big old tick of approval. Browsing through his phone on lunch, Curtis Shayler stumbled upon a hilarious photo of a DIY fail on Facebook. So funny was the post, that it called for the dropping on a ‘b’ on the ‘ahaha’ comment that went along...

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