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MATILDA MARTIN | Local News | CONTACT A local woman has endured yet another poorly-framed FaceTime conversation with the top left corner of her parents’ heads. Gabbi claims for years now she’s only been able to catch glimpses of her parents, who live overseas, because of their inability to properly aim the camera on their phone. “I love hearing from them,” Gabbi, 29,...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact BREAKING: a local father of three has launched into yet another monologue about Diane Keaton being the greatest actress in the world. The Advocate can confirm that Mr. Shannon started singing her praises while watching ‘And So It Goes’ a film starring Keaton and Michael Douglass. “She’s the best actress in the world, hands down.” “Look at her, she can...

MATILDA MARTIN | Local News | CONTACT A big honor has been bestowed upon Melbourne native Chris Connors – he has officially been declared the supreme decider on what is and isn’t offensive. Our reporters were able to catch up with the 28-year old improv coach while he was with some of his students. “I’m honestly flattered. But, I mean, it makes sense. I have...

FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT A family barbecue ended in embarrassment for local hipster Edwardino on Sunday, when distinctly un-hip Uncle George rocked up in an almost identical outfit. Edwardino, who runs a popular pop-up vintage cufflink dispensary in a decommissioned Newtown bus-stop, said the fashion faux-pas was totally unexpected. “I went to a lot of trouble to select my outfit; I chose a retro orange...

FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT Local hipster Archimedes (no last name) has made the difficult decision to retire his Remington Imperial typewriter and replace it with an IBM Selectric, a decision that has made his peers question his devotion to the hipster lifestyle. "It was cool at first, all the other students in my Craft Beer Label Design lectures loved the constant whack-whack-whack-whack-ding...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT City worker, Amy Lee told reporters she’d been looking forward to being reunited with her work bestie, after spending two weeks eating lunch alone and having nobody to gossip to. Eager for things to get back to normal, Amy had waited at her friend’s desk to surprise her with wine and flowers, when she caught the interest of...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT Local man James Chapman has busted out his finest Jay Jay’s attire just in time for music festival season. The outfit in question, a watermelon shirt with matching shorts, made its debut at Listen Out, where it was revealed 242 men wore the exact same thing. James is currently deliberating whether or not to wear it again or...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT When local germaphobe Tayla Hill left her home this morning, she had an irksome feeling that she’d forgotten something. Doing the obligatory phone, wallet, and keys check, Tayla had brushed aside her worries as she walked to the train station to catch her 8:30 commute to the city. It wasn’t until she boarded a very busy carriage that...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact “If you think I’m putting recycled water on this girl you’ve got another fuckin’ thing coming” says Jakxsen (23) who owns a “grouse” metallic blue Subaru WRX with custom built 24k gold rims. The recycled water Jakxsen is referring to comes after Gladys Berejiklian fast-tracked the implementation of Level 2 water restrictions in Sydney, the Blue Mountains and the...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact The kids of Smith family had hoped to have a nice relaxing family holiday, however that dream is being shattered today as every moment of peace and quiet is interrupted by their parent’s mobile phone notifications – which despite being right next to them, seem to be set at the loudest possible volume. “They used to get up us for having our phones...