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CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Mikey Harnett (30, Betoota's Old City District) has spent the last two days going over photos on his phone. He can't take the grin off his face. Like hundreds of thousands of other Australians, Mikey took full advantage of the loosening of state government social distancing restrictions and went for a 10 km walk with one of his...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT With four NRL players being handed a total of $120,000 worth of fines for breaching social distancing, the National Rugby League has been put in the awkward position of having to act like they weren’t expecting worse. One of the last sporting codes to shut up shop, COVID-19 and social distancing has revealed the NRL must really be as...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact With social distancing restrictions easing across the country, Betoota Grove woman Belle Henley will have to look for another iron-clad excuse to brush the stage 5 clingers courting her across her dating apps. For the past 6 or so weeks Belle reveals she has been able to “easily neg blokes” who come on a little strong, but as she...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact In a bit of good news today, while busses and trains are crying poor from a loss of peak hour revenue, Sydney Trams have come out today and revealed that they haven’t noticed a decline in passengers or revenue during the Covid Crisis. In an exclusive interview with The Advocate, Andrew Constance, Transport for NSW CEO, smuggly announced that...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact Tristan Holloway went into social distancing thinking he would finally become the productive man his girlfriend was desperate for him to become. However, 6 weeks in it appears he is still incapable of hanging out a load of washing after the first cycle. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me” sighed a confused Tristan. “I have literally nowhere else to...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT Isolation has been, for many, a good time to reflect on the more important things in life. As people take a break from the fast-paced lifestyles impressed upon them as the key to being successful, some have quickly discovered that spending time on interests and hobbies is a lot more rewarding than spending hours grinding away at an...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT As the national roll-out of Jobkeeper begins and medical experts congratulate Australians for their exemplary work in flattening the curve of coronavirus cases, it comes as no real shock to the voters that the Home Affairs Minister has had nothing to do with the government's fast-paced and impressive response to the COVID-19 pandemic. With no real need to...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT If you thought we'd moved past panic buying as a society, then you might want to look away now. Just as the country had beaten the worst of the Coronavirus Crisis, the nation's Supermarkets have been forced to take a step backwards and introduce some new buying limits today. The new limits will apply to condoms, or frangers...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Grahame Wood has finally broken through today. After 5 weeks of being unable to share personal and business anecdotes from his incredible life experience, he has finally managed to enter the online class being held by Betoota University. The 52-year-old accountant come Juris Doctor, or law student as the 'layman' might know it, said it's been a really...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Always an effortlessly arrogant middle finger to the rest of Australia, Sydney has once again decided quarantine rules are not for them as many of the city's bars have seen an increase in patronage. Once a party spot as red hot as the nostrils of the crims and corrupt coppers that ruled the streets, Sydney bade farewell to their...