Breaking News

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A 15-year-od local basketball fan is today looking for a new place to live. This comes after the Betoota Heights teenager was told by the old man he 'better fucken find somewhere else to self-isolate,' after a heated and unsolvable sporting debate. High school student Tom Vidas explained that his decision to enrage his Lithuanian born basketball mad...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT As the nation reels from the fallout of Virgin entering Voluntary Administration, plenty have been left asking what things will look like when all this is over. If the airline were allowed to completely fold there are grave concerns for the monopoly Qantas would hold. As a result, people have been pleading with the government to step in...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Prime Minister Morrison has today begun exploring new ways to keep tabs on his renegade Nationals backbencher Barnaby Joyce MP, after the Member For New England outright refused to take part in digital COVID-19 tracking measures. The twice former Deputy Prime Minister is today leading the charge of federal politicians refusing to download a mobile phone app to trace...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT With the country under lock-down due to Coronavirus social distancing measures, the underachieving salarymen responsible for the democratic erosion of the Liberal Party have today met in a secret location to discuss the greatest threat to Australia as we know it. And by greatest threat to Australia, they mean the greatest threat to their $300k+ public service salaries. Home Affairs...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Local News | Contact If there is one thing 2020 has taught us, it’s that everything can change in a second. Stevin McMillan, a once revered managing director of a local marketing firm, is today finding out this the hard way after running late for a video call and having to conduct the meeting in his active wear.   A sweaty and dishevelled Stevin...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Hundreds of thousands of Australian followers of Eastern Orthodox traditions have today had to enjoy the quietest Eastern celebrations since WWII. Right across Europe, and in Australian suburbs located under the commercial flight paths, Orthodox churches base their Easter celebrations on the Julian calendar, which often differs from the Gregorian calendar that is used by many western countries. Like most religious traditions...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Local News | Contact A once happy and greedy little publican is today sitting on his pub stoop grieving as he watches pensioner after pensioner spend their hard-saved money on living essentials rather than cramming it into his pokies. “It’s bullshit!” he whinged to our reporter who was standing two metres away. “How can they just use me like this?” “It’s so unfair” he sulked. Tim’s pensioner woes are just another...

FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT The NRMA has again blasted petrol retailers for not passing the full drop in crude oil price to the customer, releasing a statement imploring all petrol distributors and service station owners to pass on any savings in full or at least provide a jar of Vaseline at the bowser so it doesn’t hurt so much to get shafted. Traditionally,...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Local News | Contact There is always one. One legend who decides he has to stand out, to be different, not because it’s what he actually believes, but to be contrary. We saw it with Game of Thrones, and now we are seeing it with Tiger King, arguably the only reason plenty around the world is coping with the lockdown. Are you...

FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT In a further bid to lower the rate of COVID-19 infection, the Department of Health has taken the unprecedented step of slashing the ‘3 Second Rule’ by over 30% to a mere 2.0 seconds. Under the change, any food which stays on the floor for more than 2 seconds is to be immediately discarded and is not to be...