As the national roll-out of Jobkeeper begins and medical experts congratulate Australians for their exemplary work in flattening the curve of coronavirus cases, it comes as no real shock to the voters that the Home Affairs Minister has had nothing to do with the government’s fast-paced and impressive response to the COVID-19 pandemic.

With no real need to stir up racism and political divide in the Australian news cycle, the Coalition appear to have opted against giving Peter Dutton any big jobs or media appearances ever since the numbers in local coronavirus cases jumped on our nation’s soil.

Some say this might be because the former failed leadership challenger actually contributed to the outbreak when he got himself infected during a meeting with Ivanka Trump in Washington D.C and brought it back to Queensland and Canberra to share with anyone he came into contact with.

Others say it might be because Peter Dutton has shown himself to be not that handy in an emergency, unless you count blaming lefties for bushfires as handy.

In fact, Peter Dutton’s name has barely been uttered ever since he gave that poor Airtasker tradie a big ol’ dose of coronavirus when he arrived at the Minister For Dickson’s North Brisbane mansion for a tax-free cash-in-hand job fixing the back steps.

So much so, that no one even got word at whether or not he had recovered from the virus.

Aside from his very arguable involvement in the clusterfuck that saw the disembarking of the Ruby Princess in the direct centre of the country’s largest capital city – Peter Dutton appears to have been told to let the big boys handle the real politickin’ and to self-isolate at home until this big scary storm is over.

We hit the locked down streets of Betoota to speak to the remaining business operators to see if they too have noticed this direct correlation between.

“Man things just get done without that idiot in the picture” says local cafe owner, Antonio Rossi (29) from Betoota’s Moroccan Roast CoffeeHouse.

“I was wondering why things were going so smoothly” says Betoota panel beater, Grey McClymont (52).

“I didn’t even think that it was because the potatoe had been sent home to put his feet up and watch re-runs of Hogan’s Heroes”

Another businessowner, Kelly Ison (38) from Flight Path District Hair and Nails says she flat out thought Dutton might have died.

“I mean, I should have expected a bit more commotion if that was the case. But in the scheme of things, lets be honest, this bloke doesn’t really generate headlines unless he’s trying to deport Sri Lankan toddlers and accusing the entire Lebanese community of being a criminal race of people”

With the government now facing the very tricky hurdle of re-starting the economy while also managing any further outbreaks, it is expected that Peter Dutton will also be monitored very closely, and given very little jobs outside of saying misogynistic things about Kristina Keneally and launching little jibes at China when Sky News run out of people to blame for a lack of science bodies in Australia.



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