IN-Focus

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Assigning blame for the Wallabies' dubious loss to the All Blacks last night in the dying minutes of the contest is difficult and pointless, according to Rugby Australia this morning. However, news this afternoon that the usually softly-spoken boss of Rugby Australia, Hamish McLennan, grabbed the common rock pigeon responsible for the sporting code's entire...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTIn a rare good news story, crystal meth has been demoted to second place as the number one cause of Australian households falling apart.Unfortunately, what has overtaken it is just as addictive, harmful, and seemingly available at all hours of the day.At the time of writing, Sky News presenter Paul Murray is now the number one reason that...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactKnown for being a pub delicacy that’s hard to polish off by yourself due to its indisputable enjoyment to ‘I'm fucking over it’ ratio, the humble plate of wedges can be spotted at every RSL, gastro pub and tavern, and is most often picked when you can’t think of what else to get. At Betoota Ponds most popular tavern,...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A city worker who brings great shame upon his employer by working from home two days a week has found himself yet again screaming at his work-issued Lenovo ThinkPad. The screams were loud enough to wake Michael Rust's flatmate, who told The Advocate today that it's not a rare occurrence these days. Kevin Advil works overnight...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The pigeon that runs the entire marketing department at Rugby Australia has been given the month off because this year's Bledisloe Cup fixture is in Melbourne and they go to anything. As the self-titled capital of Australian Sport, the denizens of the City Of Melbourne pride themselves on leaving their rat holes at night for...

INGRID DOULTON | Firearms | Contact A local man threw his support behind his domestic partner yesterday evening as they prepared to go out for a casual dinner with friends. Betoota Heights electrician Lewis Davis was simply asking what the hold-up was as he was ready to go after having a shower and changing clothes. His defacto, Kate Taylor, explained that she...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A social media personality from our town's progressive French Quarter has broken protocol today and posed with a canola crop that's had more glyphosate dumped on it than any golf course or cricket ground in the country. When she's not chaining herself to farm equipment or abusing other members of our community in the...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA Betoota Heights studio advertised on Realestate.com has weirdly provided only one viewing option this Saturday, despite the entire country being in the midst of a rental crisis. With reports of renters being forced to cough up up to 30% more to rent or join the many people currently battling it tough living in tents, it’s easy to see...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A specimen from our town's Heights district said he can't bloody wait to get home from work this evening and enjoy a few of King Charles' fingers for tea. Though stopped short of saying he's in for an absolute c-bomb of a day, sales manager Greg Stevens said he and his cat Tinsel are a...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTAustralians enjoyed a refreshing change in the news cycle this week as local landlord Fiesel Hill (62) admitted that he hadn’t worked hard for his property portfolio.With Labor shopping around a two year rent freeze, land barons across Australia have put their hands up and said they cannot afford such an initiative without having to somehow work for...