ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Assigning blame for the Wallabies’ dubious loss to the All Blacks last night in the dying minutes of the contest is difficult and pointless, according to Rugby Australia this morning.

However, news this afternoon that the usually softly-spoken boss of Rugby Australia, Hamish McLennan, grabbed the common rock pigeon responsible for the sporting code’s entire marketing department has sent ripples through rugby.

Witnesses say Mr McLennan grabbed the pigeon this morning out of his office and took him down to where senior coaching staff and players were watching a replay of the game last night.

Despite objections from coach Dave Rennie and halfback Nic White, Hamish said he knew what he was doing.

“No,” said Mr McLennan.

“Let the bird watch.”

Hamish held the bird up to the screen and demanded it look.

“He needs to see what he’s done.”

The playing group sat in silence while Hamish stood up the front, with the pigeon clutched between his hands.

“I said look! You stupid pigeon! Look at the crowd! It’s a sea of god damn fucking All Black jerseys! Where is our marketing spend? I thought I told you to buy Wallaby surfboards for summer? Where are the surfboards?

“You motherfucker! I want to hang ten in my beige chinos are RMs!”

Coach Rennie had seen enough.

He stood up and grabbed a limited edition Wallabies picnic rug and wrapped it around Hamish.

“Come on, bro,” said Rennie.

“Let the bird go. We’ll get them next year, chief.”

More to come.


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here