IN-Focus

Morbidly-Hungover Woman Doesn’t Know When To Stop Ordering Things At The Maccas Drive-Through

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Sitting in the back of a Toyota Camry. Trying to focus on the screen beside her. Soon, it'll be her turn to order and the road between her brain and her mouth is washed out. The car rolled forward and French Quarter account coordinator Delany Lark took a deep breath in. "Hi," she said to...

Advice Column | Betting With Mates Is Healthy And Fun For Everyone

DR CHET SPEVENS | Finance Expert | CONTACT When I was a kid we didn’t have betting apps and we certainly couldn’t bet with mates. We had to walk 5 miles down to the nearest bookies and bet individually with physical cash money. None of this ‘credit cards’ beeswax. It was a lonely, isolating experience. Society was sick as a result. In...

City Worker Lets Out A Long Breath And Hopes Next Year Will Be Different To The Previous 20 Or So

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact On his way to be paid a wage that can't keep up with inflation at a company that's one dropped client away from folding has let out a long breath on the bus this morning, hoping that next year will be the year that things finally change for him. The Channel Country regional salesman for...

Advice Column | Achieving Financial Independence By Marrying Up

DR CHET SPEVENS | Finance Expert | CONTACTWhen I was but a boy, enjoying the frivolity of a gilded childhood, my Father took me aside to have ‘the talk’. He explained to me that while our family were doing ok with our royal ancestry, the properties, the family businesses, the political connections, the iron ore mines, nothing in this life was guaranteed. “You...

“It’s Sauce THEN Lettuce! You Stupid Old Cunt!” Yells Chris Smith’s New Boss

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Stood-down television and radio presenter Chris Smith has been yelled at by his new boss this afternoon for failing to put together a hamburger properly. Smith has wasted no time finding new employment this week after allegedly disgracing himself yet again. This time at the Sky News Christmas Party, which is the latest in...

Greens Propose Radical Plan To Not Gift Taxpayer Money To Foreign-Owned Coal Companies Enjoying Record Profits Currently

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The Greens have told their major party colleagues that they won't be joining in their jamboree with foreign-owned coal companies with leader Adam Bandt telling the media in Melbourne that he has a radical plan for compensating them should the price cap on coal and gas become law. "Our plan is to not compensate them,"...

Melbournian On Queensland Holiday Asks Bartender If They Do “Man-Sized Glasses” When He Knows Full Well They Don’t Do Pints

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A Melbourne man on holiday up here in the nation's garden state has asked an Airlie Beach bartender if he "has any man-sized glasses out the back" when he knows full well that it's too fucken hot up here for pints. Hailing from Melbourne's "Little Sydney" district, the South Yarra man prides himself on being...

Opinion: Isn’t It Easier For You To Resend Than Me Search My Inbox?

JESSE SHILLWORTH | Culture | CONTACTImproving workplace productivity should be the obsessive hobby of everyone with goals and a pulse.Just as our agricultural forebears looked to irrigation and horticultural domestication to refine their farming systems, we should look to daily WIP meetings and a #random channel on Slack to improve our financial harvest.Yes, our first farmers didn’t know it yet, but they were...

Advice Column | Cost-Effective Ways Of Shedding Staff Through A Terrible Work Place Culture

DR CHET SPEVENS | Finance Expert | CONTACTHi I’m Dr Chet Spevens, and as Australia’s leading divine channel business intuitive and financial life coach, I’m here to help your business reach its full potential. One exciting way to do that is to reduce wage costs through staff shedding by taking your healthy work place culture and turning it toxic.This is a cost-effective...

Horny And Frugal Couple Commence Foreplay By Doing A Runner On Expensive Restaurant Dinner

DR CHET SPEVENS | Finance Expert | CONTACTA horny young couple have fornicated at home this evening shortly after doing a runner on an expensive dinner they enjoyed in Betoota’s famed French Quarter. L’Arpége, a Michelin starred restaurant renowned for its unforgettable 13 course menu that will set you back $820 per person (without wine), was the venue from which the couple,...

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