IN-Focus

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The Queensland Government has been slammed this morning for suggesting that the border closures aren't hurting the state's tourism industry. However, a number of Great Barrier Reef fishing charter operators have come forward this morning to defend the government, telling The Advocate that 'every single one of their tourists is from the Brisbane area'. Murray Tomdale,...

FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT The Australian Hoteliers Association has circulated a letter to publicans warning of an expected slew of shithouse Corona jokes as pubs reopen over the coming weeks. From June 1, NSW pubs will be allowed to seat 50 people, whilst Queensland pubs will be allowed to seat 20 people from June 12. 20 people are allowed in Western Australian venues...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact Who is the favourite child has long been a competition that’s plagued families with a litter of kids. While parents claim they love each child equally, it’s clear for most kids from a young age that is simply not the case. One family that has kept up the ‘we don’t play favourites’ charade is the Grant family – Michael...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Brisbane | CONTACT In between spending her nights getting sucked into the vortex of suggested Youtube videos and waking up in the middle of the day, local woman Elena Manners has felt her sanity slowly slip away the longer she goes without a job or routine. The irregular sleep schedule, coupled with a predilection for overthinking and nitpicking has culminated in...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT "What?" began the angry conversation with Dale Pooley this afternoon. "Just hang on, I'm trying to find the Star in the Betoota Ponds," he yelled out to his speakerphone. "Righto, what do you want," he then said picking up the conversation with The Advocate while leaning gainst is 2012 Mitsubishi Lancer, directly disregarding the protocol around not having your...

FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT After installing around a dozen “useful” search toolbars and diligently filling out as many data-mining quizzes as she can find, Mum has stooped to a new low today when she somehow managed to download and infect the family computer with COVID-19, it has been confirmed. “I don’t know what happened,” said Mum, as she tried to treat the infected...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Research scientists at Betoota University have today made the long-anticipated announcement; ordering takeaway under the guise of ‘Supporting Local Businesses’ roughly translates to ‘I cannot be fucked cooking tonight.’ The research study was originally aimed to find a cure for COVID-19 by observing the actions of those in quarantine in what may be the most low-key Big Brother reboot...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact State governments around the nation are beginning the arduous process of untangling the lockdown mess this week - and with it comes the return of certain privileges once taken for granted. Two Betoota men who're currently suffering the indignity of living in Sydney have found each other this afternoon and it's all in the name...

FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT A common problem has been given a contemporary twist with news that McDonald’s Soft Serve Machine is out of order as a direct result of COVID-19. For years, the machines, which are obviously robust as they are designed to work in a commercial environment where downtime costs money, have been “out of order” whenever the staff have decided to...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Earlier today, an attempt to seize the day was made by self-isolating father of two Murray Grant (39) who decided to spice things up by wearing a shirt he is too ashamed to wear to work. The garment in question is a green and pink paisley shirt, purchased as a gift for Grant by his wife and worn to...