After a tough couple of years for the world, order has finally been restored to the universe this week.

The feat comes from none other than Quade Cooper, who has returned the All Blacks to the top of the World Rugby rankings.

Masterminding the two Wallabies victories over the World Champion Springboks, Cooper ensured that Kiwis took back the World Number 1 ranking from the South Africans.

“Nature is healing,” explained one of the many Kiwi ex-pats living in our Queensland shire.

“Things are the way they should be. A team that can actually play Rugby the way it was intended to be played are ranked number one in the world,” continued the white dreadlocked Cantabrian named Aaron Whitelock.

“The Boreboks were just clinging onto that ranking for as long as they could, refusing to come out here and play last year,” he laughed.

“Sorry you sooky Saffas, but it’s over, and things are only going to get worse for you,” said the man still refusing to really acknowledge the Wallabies beating the Springboks twice in a row.

When asked about what he thought of the Wallabies building some momentum going forward, Whitelock laughed.


“You guys beating them was like the Cherry Blossoms beating them in the World Cup.”

“It was cute, but didn’t really mean anything.”

“C’mon, Ozzie needed a Kiwi coach and a Kiwi 10 to win a game. Don’t get it twisted,” he said, continuing to twist the narrative.

“You guys need to try and build some culture as the All Blacks have, then maybe you might get somewhere.”

“Until then, good luck.”


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