CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
While walking up the White House steps today, Scotty From Marketing has gone extra lengths to save to himself the embarrassment of being exposed as the revolving door leader of an inconsequential oceanic nation, by declaring his arrival at full volume in third person.
“SCOTTY’S HERE!!!!” announced the Australian Prime Minister, hoping the President or at least some of his staff heard his name.
Last week, while announcing an extremely reckless trilateral security partnership with Britain and America in an effort to drown out all the news about how badly he had fucked up the pandemic management, it became clear to both Scotty and the rest of Australia that Joe Biden did not know his name.
The new deal, titled AUKUS, will see the US share nuclear technology that will help Australia create a multibillion-dollar fleet of eight nuclear-powered submarines that would last about ten minutes in a war with any of our much bigger Asian neighbours.
During the three-way livestreamed announcement, aimed at aggravating China and making Morrison look like a remotely competent leader with powerful friends – the mood was dulled dramatically when Biden could only remember the British PM’s name.
During the historic announcement, Biden turned to the British prime minister to pay his gratitude for this partnership he clearly wasn’t briefed on.
“Thank you, Boris,” he said.
Then, visibly treading water while looking towards a TV screen on which Morrison was appearing via video link, Biden bumbled, before just ackowedging he didn’t know Scotty’s name.
“And I want to thank that fella down under. Thank you very much pal,” Biden said. He added: “Appreciate it Mr Prime Minister.”
Morrison gave a thumbs up back to the video screen, as the entire Western World clicked pause to pinpoint the exact moment his heart broke.
However, that’s not happening today, because Scotty has decided to speak in third person upon his arrival in D.C
“Scotty in da house!” he reiterated in his fake Paul Hogan accent he usually uses leading into an election.
“ME. Scott Morrison. From Australia”
“In the WHITE HOUSE”
Biden appeared elated to see the PM.
“Malcolm. How the hell are ya!? How’s Lucy!?”