The Coalition has today explained to The Advocate why a Federal Independent Commission Against Corruption, or similar watchdog type body isn’t necessary.

“Listen here, us blokes don’t have anything to hide, and therefore we don’t need a serious Federal body to investigate any behaviour that may be deemed suspicious,” said Prime Minister Scott Morrison in his most blokey voice.

“Our Federal politicians are incredibly honest, moral, and trusted human beings who are able to regulate themselves and hold themselves accountable,” he said.

“Trust us,” he laughed.

His comments come after Independent MP Helen Haines pushed for a debate in parliament about her bill to establish a Federal Corruption Commission.

Tasmanian Liberal MP Bridget Archer crossed the floor to support the independent bill, but do to some confusion and numbers relating to social distancing the motion didn’t get passed.

However, that’s not something we should be worried about said the rest of the Coalition government.

“Oh I mean, there’s been a few scandals here and there regarding dodgy payments and political appointments, but it’s all hot air, and we’ve got one coming up remember,” said the Prime Minister today.

The Prime Minister explained that things like the former Trade Minister Andrew Robb, who helped a Chinese company gain the lucrative 99 year Port of Darwin lease; before quitting politics and walking into a casual 880k consultancy gig with the same company just days after quitting politics, was an appointment based on merit.

“Angus Taylor’s water licences are totally ship shape as well.”

“It’s all good, let’s just forget about this corruption commission thing and get on with coasting till Christmas.”

“The Religious Discrimination Bill is the goal anyway”


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