Pastors representing a range of different Australian churches have today revealed that the collection plates have been going a bit light since last Monday.

This comes as the benefactors of the most oppressed and marginalised majority in Australia redirect their goodwill towards a multi-millionaire former Wallabies player who breached his contract by posting homophobic memes on Instagram.

Folau, who owns a Lamborghini and a sizeable property portfolio, has relied on the Christian community community to help him pay for a legal defence.

In the same way his initial contract with Rugby Australia was terminated, Folau’s initial GoFundMe campaign was taken down for violating the platform’s terms and conditions.

Luckily, the Pentecostal political donor group The Australian Christian Lobby, was able to set up their own pro-homophobic crowd-funding exercise which raised over $2 million for the concussion riddled former Christian turned Hillsong Happy Clapper turned Nontrinitarian fundamentalist.

However, in a blow for people who actually rely on the love and support of Christians to survive in the winter, Folau’s record-breaking cash grab has resulted in a dip in offline donations, in actual churches.

However, one local rock star Evangelical says it’s definitely worth it.

“There will always be more needier causes than that of our own” says Betoota’s local Pentecostal Minister Fr. Rocco Spighter.

“If protecting Izzy’s right to denigrate gay people means that we have to cut back of feeding the homeless for the next few months, then it is something will we have to do do”

The presence of Christianity in Australia began with the foundation of a British colony at New South Wales in 1788. While Christianity remains the largest religion in Australia, declining religiosity and diversifying immigration intakes of recent decades have seen the percentage of the population identifying as Christian in the national census decline from 96.1% at the time of the Federation of Australia in the 1901 census, to 52.1% in the 2016 census.

Many paranoid Baby Boomers who are struggling with a severe case of misplaced nostalgia have put this dwindling followership down to our nation’s political climate. One that often lends itself to sinfully progressive ideas – such as the separation of church and state, and the normalisation of homosexual relationships.

“It’s not our fault that Rugby Australia are trying to sack a Christian for being Christian!” says Mr Spighter.

“Poverty is nothing compared to ensuring the survival of our varying and often contradictive ideologies”

“We would love to be investing our congregation’s donations towards soup kitchens and women’s shelters, but the discrimination faced by Christians at the hands of relatively conservative sporting bodies is by far the biggest battle we, as a people, face today!”


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