Victorian Premier Daniel Andrew has today had to admit to the fact that Melbourne’s property market might actually be somewhat of a manipulated bubble that favours retirees and foreign investors, as he tries to explain why only poor people are being locked inside their high-rise apartments.

There are 3000 residents in the public housing blocks in Flemington and North Melbourne. These people, according to the class traitor Pauline Hanson, are all non-English speaking drug addicts and alcoholics.

On Saturday the residents were told to stay in their apartments and since then there’s been a heavy police presence stopping people from coming and going.

Some have compared the treatment of public housing tenants to a modern day ‘Tale Of Two Cities’ – with the state government and Victorian police accused of stripping liberties away from their most vulnerable residents in a way they would never dare with the affluent privately owned high-rise residents across the street.

However, Andrews insists that while the behaviour of public housing residents need to be overzealously monitored more than normal people – the fact is, not many people actually live in the nice high-rises.

“Believe me, I’d be also be locking down the luxury high-rises if anyone fucken lived in them” said Andrews.

“They are basically just land-banking assets for people that have never set foot in Australia. Surely, you know that?”

“There’s a little saying in the unions: Sight unseen is a developers dream”

Victorian Labor’s addiction to land-related tax revenue – currently at about $7.6 billion annually – has resulted in thousands of empty high-rise apartments going up across the city of Melbourne.

Aside from the fact that none of these buildings have lights on at night time, the only time that this foreign-investor dictated housing bubble becomes visible is when the Premier has to acknowledge that there is no chance of COVID-19 spreading in these luxury towers because no one actually lives in them.

By early 2016, about 100 high rise apartment buildings were under construction, planned or had gained recent permits, potentially doubling the number of high rise buildings in the central city. Some densities are over four times those of Hong Kong and Tokyo.

“So, yeah” said Andrews.

“Don’t worry about the nice buildings. There’s nothing going on… Like nothing that would require 40% of the state police force to stand outside intimidating young migrant families”

“I could send a few cops round there to check it out, but all they’d end up doing is help carry groceries for the one grannie that lives alone on the 20th floor”


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