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“Wakey wakey hands off snakey!?” shouts Wayden Barclay, the 33-year-old lunatic currently taking charge of this weekend’s bucks party at Lake Betoota.
With only a couple hours until the arrival of the second wave of this weekend’s group of partygoers, Wayden is trying his best to re-up the energy. Just so the family men who couldn’t make the first night don’t feel as though the boys blew their load too early – at what was meant to be a low-key Friday night dinner.
Because that’s exactly what they did.
“Got a couple single shot XXXXpressos for you boys” says Wayden, as he arrives in the living room of the unit where the rest of the troop are nursing sore heads.
Deccers, the soon-to-be best man of groom Keegan, is currently experiencing one of those hangovers where he wishes he could be placed into a coma for 24 hours with an IV drip to flush his system.
Unfortunately for Deccers, this bucks party isn’t taking place in Thailand.
It’s taking place in a cheap as shit Meriton that doesn’t even have a good view of the supposedly picturesque body of water they have been telling their girlfriends that they’ve been swimming in all morning.
“Oh for fucks sake Waydo, what are you up to now” barks Deccers, already at breaking point, not even 12 hours into this three-day spectacle of hedonism.
Waydo, whose is refusing to explain why and how his arm came to be wrapped up in a hospital sling, responds to Deccers’ very real frustrations by putting on a baby voice.
“Ohh if sumwun not weddy for a hwair ov the dwog???” says Waydo, before unveiling his treat.
The first-wavers, currently made up of six close mates from home and one weirdo mate from the groom’s work who can actually drink everyone under the table, were initially excited by the rustling of paper that was coming from the front door as Wayden arrived.
The sight of what looked like a tray of coffee also gave false hope that everything was going to be okay in the short term.
However, that wasn’t to be.
Waydo has gone all the way into the main street just to get his hands on a take-away coffee tray, without buying anything that even slightly resembles breakfast.
With a sack of XXXX Gold’s on the table and four in his tray, the skipper of this bruised bucks party has made it clear that there will be no down time on day two.
“Who wants a Milton Mocha?!?”
“Don’t worry. They’re only single shots. You won’t get too much of a rush” assures Waydo.
“But if anyone is interested in getting that heart rate up, please follow me to the bathroom”
“RISE AND SHINE GENTLEMEN! We’ve got paintball in one hour!!!”