17 June, 2016. 13:34
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
JUST DAYS AFTER THE Courier-Mail reported that the prime minister is a humanoid reptilian sent from the future to enslave us all, Malcolm Turnbull has laughed off the allegations – saying he’s ‘fully human’ and he even farts in bed like normal people do.
“The only positive thing that The Courier-Mail does is wrap up fish and chips down on the bay,” said the PM.
“Of course I’m not a lizard, I am a real person. I even fart in bed,”
“Let’s not see this campaign be hijacked by frivolity and half-truths,” he said.
Rumours began to ciruclate surrounding the Coalition leader’s species after he began to violently flip-flop politically like a herpes-riddled carp on a riverbank. Various tabloid newspapers around the country started reporting that the PM was a lizard person in the wake of these flip-flops, because only something as slick and slippery as a reptilian could sell himself down the river so quickly.
With additional reporting from The Guardian Australia.