12 February, 2016. 15:45
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
SCALPING DINGOES AND SELLING them back to the shire is both an honest way to make a living and a great way to spend a sunny afternoon.
Depending on where you turn them in, you can make some serious moolah for your community service.
When Jundah helicopter pilot, Mick Pohrnmann, chucked his mate and coworker, Darryl a wreath of dog scalps on an old length of fucked plain wire, he told him to feed his family with the proceeds – and not piss it in a trough like he usually would.
Both pilots went into business together two years ago, calling their fledgling contract mustering company, Lucy’s Aero Bovine Retrieval Service, which draws its namesake from a Longreach woman they both put one through during a campdraft rodeo in 2005.
Unfortunately, as it would come to bare, some idiot leased the pair two Robinson R22s and they were away.
But Darryl Blyton has fallen on tough times recently. Just getting his helicopter license nearly bankrupted him. Late last year, after poor Darryl got spat off a batshit grey mare on his mate’s back block, his wife walked out on him. She’s now shacked up with a Windorah plastic surgeon.
As any self-respected whirlybird jockey will tell you, carrying cargo outside the cockpit is a terrible, dimwitted idea that turns a perfectly serviceable Robinson into a euthanasia machine.
But that’s exactly what Darryl did.
Mick threw Darryl the dog scalps after they’d finished mustering way out the in desert. The night before, he’d been out drinking hard and shooting with another mate.
“Had a bit on that night, mate,” laughed Mick. “Shot a few camels, an absolute fence-wrecking cunt of a brumby, couple emus and a whole troop of roos.”
“More importantly, we greased a bunch of dingoes, which I then scalped and threaded onto a bit of wire.”
It was the same length of plain wire and scalps that he gave to Darryl.
As they were leaving the muster that afternoon, he tied the scalps and wire around a skid – something you just don’t do.
As he began his hour-long flight home, the dingo scalps and plain wire came loose, which ended up in his tail rotor.
“As the laws of flight dictate, if you’ve got plain wire wrapped around your tail rotor, there is a good chance of you doing yourself a mischief,” said Darryl, from his Brisbane hospital bed.
“In retrospect, I guess it was kinda dumb of me to do that. But Jesus fuck my gummy mouth, didn’t I hit the sand with a bang,” laughed Darryl.
Investigators from the ATSB were dispatched to the crash site, just north of Betoota, where they found the helicopter upside down on a sand dune. Not much of the details can be made available at the moment, but from what he’s told officials, Mr Blyton is just embarrassed by the whole debacle.
“The worst part about it was that I was stuck upside for ages until Mick was able to raise the alarm,” explained Darryl.
“I couldn’t hold in a piss in for that long so I ended up wetting myself and it got in my fucking mouth. It was the worst day of my life.”
What happens next is anybody’s guess. The insurance company is still investigating and Darryl doesn’t have income protection.
With additional reporting from The Longreach Leader.