Brave Local Man Rolls The Dice On Taking A Number 2 With Only 4% iPhone Battery

It's the sum of all our first world fears, to drink all those weekend beers, only to be left upon the throne without a phone, left to silently atone... writes Errol Parker.

Brave Local Man Rolls The Dice On Taking A Number 2 With Only 4% iPhone Battery

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

IN WHAT IS typically a moment in which one can catch up the the day’s social media trends and posts, one local man has been forced to have a rather pensive time on the toilet, as his phone was only seconds away from going flat.

Peter Hagen said he was forced to stare at himself in the mirror while he said goodbye to the weekend’s gluttonous byproduct last night. He said he never noticed the mirror opposite the toilet until yesterday, which was the first time in nearly a decade the man has had to do a bowel movement without the assistance of a mobile phone.

“When I noticed that I only had four-percent left of my phone, I seriously considered taking my MacBook into the toilet with me,” he said. “But I thought it’d be too awkward so I just had to bite the bullet.”

Hagen said it was “quite weird” making eye contact with himself while he took his AGB [after grog bog] and agreed it was almost as uncomfortable as staring a dog in the eye as they went to the loo.

However, it seems that Hagen himself has become an accidental participant in the growing trend of leaving your phone outside while you use the bathroom.

An ironically online community, 90’s Boggers, spruiks the benefits of using the toilet without the aid of an electronic device – just like humans have done for the thousands of years prior to the invention of pocket-sized entertainment.

Under the bi-laws of the organisation, smart phones and tablets are taboo when using the loo but other electronic devices such as non-colour GameBoys, Tamagotchis and Digimon games are allowed. The only mobile phone which is accepted by the society of paleo pooers is the infamous Nokia N-Gage, which offers a gaming experience as crude as receiving an open-mouth kiss from NBL immortal Shane Heal.

One Response to "Brave Local Man Rolls The Dice On Taking A Number 2 With Only 4% iPhone Battery"

  1. Ted   September 10, 2016 at 11:55 pm

    I saw Mike Ellis today.


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