Bloke Who’s Read One Guardian Article Explains US Election Result Like He’s Laurie Oakes

Bloke Who’s Read One Guardian Article Explains US Election Result Like He’s Laurie Oakes

JON HENRY| Contributor CONTACT

Shaun Williams (26) a digital marketing graduate from Fitzroy has provided an unsolicited 17-minute diatribe to his mates down at their local, about how Donald Trump won the election and what this means for stock markets and polar bears everywhere.

“I was one of the first to recognise the working class of America were behind the Donald. I’ve been saying it for ages, but no one would listen to me” he said with a condescending tone of authority.

“It’s a class war, and I’m definitely not regurgitating an article I read sitting on the toilet this morning.”

“It’s all about the electoral college you guys, and the key battle ground states, Florida and Ontario.”

While the lads tried to steer the conversation back to more interesting topics like the weather, Shaun wasn’t taking the hint.

“You guys should buy gold, seriously. No one in the finance game will be on to it yet, but gold is bound to go up with the volatility this election will cause, trust me”

” If my parents didn’t just stop paying for my health insurance, that’s where I’d be putting my money.”

Despite his mates having no memory of him ever talking about the US election up until now, Shaun claims to have called the election for Trump months ago.

“It was back when he called that chick reporter a stupid bitch. That’s when I knew he had it in the bag. The journos, the experts and everyone else in the world were all against him, but I knew America better.”

Shaun’s claims of foresight come as no surprise to his mates though, this isn’t the first time he has called an improbable result.

“I knew Brexit was going to happen, I was behind Leicester from the very beginning and I knew the Bulldogs would get up for the Premiership after Bob Murphy did his knee back in Round 3.”

2 Responses to "Bloke Who’s Read One Guardian Article Explains US Election Result Like He’s Laurie Oakes"

  1. Gunners   November 15, 2016 at 1:42 pm

    When the Betoota advocate say he’s from Fitzroy they mean Fitzroy Crossing , right ?

    Reply

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