Don Dale Staff Relocated To Nauru At Peter Dutton’s Request

It is believed the Don Dale staff will be tear-gassing Muslim kids by early next week.

11 August, 2016. 17:15

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact

 

Left: The Don Dale staff pose for a snapchat photo in which they brag about their recent appearance on four corners with the hashtags #Spithood - right the Honourable Peter Dutton
Left: The Don Dale staff pose for a snapchat photo in which they brag about their recent appearance on four corners with the hashtags #Spithood – right the Honourable Peter Dutton

Following Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull’s call for a Royal Commission into the mistreatment of incarcerated Australian juveniles, the staff at the controversial Don Dale Correctional Centre have been relocated to the Nauru, at the request of Immigration Minister Peter Dutton.

Speaking to the media today, Dutton explained why he had scouted the security staff.

“Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull was correct in saying that the way these men treated Australian children was way out of line,” said the former Brisbane policeman.

“The spithoods, the tear gas, the unnecessary stripping and bashing of young men – it’s just not play on, in Australia,”

“However, this behaviour is perfectly acceptable in our immigration detention centres – in fact we encourage it,”

“I think its time to really give them something to self-immolate about,”

This news has been well-received by the Don Dale staff, who say they look forward to being able to continue their craft under the protection of international borders and a blanket media ban.

Former Don Dale security guard and amatuer MMA mouth-breather, John* says he was always a sitting duck in the Northern Territory correctional system.

“We were always going to made an example of.”

“I mean, when the ABC broadcast an entire hour of us bashing and tear gassing kids, people get upset. Government officials don’t seem to care – but regular Australians do,”

However, as John* (name changed) points out, when it comes to the stateless children of asylum seekers, the Australian public doesn’t seem to give a shit, which is why he looks forward to being able to continue his favourite past time of turning at-risk youth into PTSD-riddled fuck ups who lack human empathy.

“It’s going to be a bit of a safe place for me and my mates.”

“It doesn’t matter how many cases of child abuse and torture from get leaked from Nauru, there isn’t going to be a Royal Commission any time soon.”

“Seriously, think about how long it took our PM to call a royal commission into the abuse of Aboriginal kids. Brown kids from the middle east are way further down that list.”

It is believed the Don Dale staff – who recently featured in a viral screen shot of a social media post that suggests they are proud of their ‘spithooding techniques’ – will be tear-gassing Muslim kids by next week.

“I look forward to it” says John*

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