Royal Commissioner Dyson Heydon To Be Replaced By Dyson Airblade™

Royal Commissioner Dyson Heydon To Be Replaced By Dyson Airblade™

18 August, 2015. 11:10

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact

Prime Minister Abbott has announced a “hygienic compromise” today after Labor’s insistence that Royal Commissioner Dyson Heydon should resign or be dismissed from the inquiry into trade unions, following the revelation that he had booked to speak at a fundraiser in support of the NSW Liberal Party.

The Federal Government has made its position clear, The Royal Commission into Trade Union governance and Corruption will continue under a new Royal Commissioner: The Dyson Airblade™.

The New Royal Commissioner Into Trade Union Governance And Corruption
The New Royal Commissioner Into Trade Union Governance And Corruption

 

Prime Minister Tony Abbott was unequivocal when he said that Heydon’s performance in his role had been “absolutely beyond reproach” – But was unfortunately a victim of his own social status.

“Yeah, he probably shouldn’t have been so blatant about getting in bed with us. Probably didn’t need to RSVP to that event… Godammit Baird,”

Dyson Heydon, former Royal Commissioner into Trade Union Corruption and Governance
Dyson Heydon, former Royal Commissioner into Trade Union Corruption and Governance

“Our new Commissioner is a hygienic compromise for all involved. An apolitical innovation in the world of Union sanitisation, one that will be able to finish the job on this mess,”

“The Dyson Airblade™ will ensure that no hands are dirty at the end of this”

Education Minister Christopher Pyne said Labor was “bashing the umpire” in order to escape political damage from the inquiry – but was optimistic about the future of the Royal Commission now that it will be headed by the golden child of British vacuum magnate Sir James Dyson.

“I am a big fan of the new Royal Commissioner. I believe The Airblade™ will be efficient and indifferent to those who stand before it,”

Whether it’s former Labor leaders or your run-of-the-mill bikie-affiliated union thug. No one gets past the Airblade,”

“It’s practice is world renowned, as is the Airblade’s class and dry sense of humour”

“The Dyson Airblade™ can’t be greased. It might sound like hot air, but I think we will benefit from the hands-on approach”

The Dyson Family are well-known for their work ethic and egalitarian sentiments
The Dyson Family are well-known for their work ethic and egalitarian sentiments

 

 

2 Responses to "Royal Commissioner Dyson Heydon To Be Replaced By Dyson Airblade™"

  1. DAFC   August 18, 2015 at 11:32 am

    This is a proud day for members of the Dyson Airblade Fan Club.

    Onward and upward. Hands dry. Hearts warm.

    Let’s dry hands together.

    https://www.facebook.com/groups/222851597755406/

    Reply
  2. WaitJustAMoment   August 18, 2015 at 11:43 am

    I bet those Labor Party stooges will demand to know if the Dyson Airblade™ is installed in the Castlereagh Boutique Hotel toilets before they accept this appointment. Why can’t those leftards just let Sir Dyson Heydon (please remove the “Sir” if Tony hasn’t made the announcement yet) get on with questioning “Electricity” Bill’s credibility?

    Reply

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