ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
BY day, Alex Greenwall is a private wealth manager with one of Australia’s largest hedge funds.
But by night, the 28-year-old is training for the fight of his life. His opponent, a British term deposit specialist with a penchant for violence.
This is just one of many professionally organised white-collar amateur boxing matches, which are organised in the name of charity – but satisfy a whole lot more.
“It breaks up the monotony of office life,” says Greenwall.
“All of a sudden, I’m the most popular guy on my floor. Everybody stops by my cubicle for a chat. It’s great. But that’s only part of it, the other aspect is the lifestyle change,”
“Most afternoons after work, my boss and I would go down to the pub and talk about the markets. Then after he’d leave to go home to the family, I’d hang around and put a couple hundred through the pokies. I don’t do that anymore.”
But getting lean and putting on a few extra kilos of muscle mass wasn’t enough for the finance worker – he needed to gain an edge over his opponent.
Last week, Alex decided to get an intimidating tattoo for the fight.
“When I saw myself in the mirror, I saw a scared little boy. With my new tattoo, I see a warrior,”
“People who call them tough stickers don’t understand the feeling of being the big dog in the junkyard. [barks]”
“Bring it on. I’m ready to fucking kill some cunt.” he said.
However, Mr Greenwall is a former pupil of an exclusive Sydney boys school and getting a real tattoo would’ve meant he’d commit social and employment suicide.
Alex says getting a real tattoo was never on the cards because he has a future to protect.
“[laughs] Of course it’s not real, don’t be silly. I have to go to work on Monday. I just got it to scare the other guy a bit. Jesus.”
Friends, family members and casual acquaintances have all been following Alex’s progress through his social media accounts, which he constantly updates with videos, inspirational messages and selfies.
Alex’s transformation from a largely invisible office worker to a world-class warrior has been documented by an 8-week long trail of inflated self-worth and ego autofellatio – so much so that even his friends have asked him to stop.
His opponent, on the other hand, has been preparing for the charity match in a vastly different way.
This weekend, Alex will fight Scouser banker Graham Woodford, who was a member of the notorious Urchins football firm during his youth in Liverpool.
Woodford says he hasn’t stepped inside a gym in his whole life but has learnt the craft by punching the shit out of Manchester United, Chelsea and Everton fans when he was a teen.
“Mate, I’m well in with this guy,” he said.
“I’ve been scrappin’ lads my whole life, now. They’ll be calling de bizzies to get me off the cunt. Mate the guys a fucken divvy,”
“Seriously, I’ve stabbed a guy before. I watched the knife go in and out. He’s fucked mate.”
Tickets will include drinks, light refreshments and brain bursting action. $99.90 for GA standing and $129.90 for raised seating. Tickets go on sale tomorrow, with general public sales opening on Friday.