4 May, 2015. 17:06
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
BILL SHORTEN HAS once again proved himself to be the man most suited with leading the Opposition after members of the shadow cabinet revealed their IQs overnight.
The opposition leader was found to be the most intelligent among the assorted socialists, with an IQ of 45 – just pipping Senator Penny Wong, who scored a respectable 44.
Having been heavily influenced by the haphazard nature in which Labor state governments have handled transport portfolios in the past, shadow transport minister Anthony Albanese scored on the lower end of the scale with a mildly predictable 39.
Shadow environment and climate change minister Mark Butler would’ve score higher had it not been for his complete failure to provide any contrasting policy ideas, by which to combat the Abbott administration’s plan to dredge the Great Barrier Reef and cut down primary forests in Tasmania.
Queensland’s Courier Mail has lambasted the shadow leadership team for their “apparently paltry” IQ scores, reporting that even Forrest Gump had an IQ of 75 – prompting his mother to begrudgingly engage in some “low-quality intercourse” in order for Forrest to attend the local elementary school.
“The Courier Mail will endorse any candidate with an IQ over 75 but under 100”
These latest figures to come out of Canberra have failed to surprise those working in primary industries and the rural sector of Australian industry, who feel vindicated by the results.
Many regional Australians have long suspected that the Labor Party has lagged behind the Coalition when it comes to agricultural policy.
Their feelings have been echoed by other industries, who feel the Opposition has failed in their duty to offer a tangible alternative to the incumbent government’s pro-small business and anti-environmental framework.