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Lionel Breakspear (53) of South Betoota reluctantly acquiesced to his daughter Sophie’s request to take her to McDonald’s for their father-daughter Sunday luncheon before she returns to university for her exams.
He quite simply didn’t believe me when I said you could now choose whatever you wanted to put on your burger” Sophie said.
“It’s like he couldn’t associate McDonald’s with anything else but twelvie fights and elderlies using the place for their kaffeeklatsch parties.’
Since Lionel hadn’t set foot inside a McDonald’s since Sophie was playing Netball for the Betoota Egrets, the new layout had him lost for words.
“This is completely different to the tripe Ronald McDonald and the gang served back in my day. But at least you could get a Big Mac for free if you could scat rap that song quick enough.” He said.
“I mean, look at this menu!”
“[whispers] Holy shit”
“What a time to be alive”
“You can get all this fancy stuff like shredded Parmesan and even a bun made out of lettuce! And they give you a number when you order. It’s like they think they’re a café now or something.”
Mr Breakspear’s bewilderment hit a new fever pitch when a waitress came out of the kitchen delivering his burger which included three rashers of bacon and tortilla chips out on a wooden plank.
A rapidly proliferating trend of the 2010’s he described as ‘urban pansy nonsense for pooncey cunts.’
While it is unclear whether or not this will be enough to prise the patriarch of the Breakspear family away from the weekly Thursday meat raffle and $15 parmigiana special at the Betoota RSL, it will certainly provide food for thought during his lunch break next time Mrs Breakspear neglects to pack him his quotidian snack of six vegemite cruskets.