Country Person Looking Forward To Another Summer Of Getting Dumped In The Surf

"Yeah, but nah, mate. It's all good, but." he explained.

Country Person Looking Forward To Another Summer Of Getting Dumped In The Surf

12 December, 2016. 15:33

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

THOUGH HE RECEIVED A life ban from Fridays last year, one Yaraka man has thrown caution to the wind and decided to holiday in Mooloolaba again this summer.

Banned for breaking a pool cue over some Kidman & Co hero from the Channel Country, 28-year-old Juan Decanter swore he’d never return to Australia’s methamphetamine coast ever again, saying he’s slammed the Maroochydore closed for the last time.

But his primal lust for the seaside and dragged him back once again.

The Scorpio revealed to The Advocate this afternoon that if he had to spend a summer getting smashed in the surf, it’d always have to be Mooloolaba.

“I got banned from the Nautilus in Mools for throwing some of the verandah furniture into the pool four storeys below,” he said. “Unfortunately there was a bloke in there having a midnight paddle and didn’t react well when I threw a sun chair at him, so they banned me.”

“Yeah, but nah, joog. Love getting dumped in the surf. Love inhaling VCRs [vodka coke raspberries] at the surf club and switching brains off at the wall when Fridays shuts. Fuck yeah. Drink driving out to the Fish Markets in the morning. Real pissa.”

However, Juan didn’t want ‘us to get him started’ on O’Malley’s and the wanker security staff they hire.

Stating categorically for the record, he says the ‘hole-in-the-wall’ late light institution lost his patronage forever after he was kicked out for throwing a harmless plastic glass at a barman.

“Nah, but fuck that place, but.” he said.

“I can’t even go to the aquarium anymore after we went there a few years back with a gut full of piss and some spearguns. Shot myself a fucking bottlenose dolphin, mate. Dragged the heavy dog back to the Nautilus and put it in bed with my passed out mate. It was a fucken pissa, Bruce.”

More to come. 

 

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