A ‘silent disco’ in an iconic Australian cultural precinct that used to host hundreds of gangland shootings every year, for the last one hundred years, has been shut down before 10pm over the weekend.

An iconic DJ that was invited to play two 45 minutes sets to promote Sydney’s vibrant nightlife during the extremely expensive and sterile Vivid lights festival, was told to ‘get the hell off the stage if you want to live’ by a group of 10 gun-wielding policemen

Out of a 29-song-set, the DJ managed to get through 4 from his new album, before the NSW police managed to kick down the door to the iconic Kings Cross Hotel at the request of nearby property investors who decided to retire into the inner-city.

It is believed that, although the music was being played through headphones, the sounds of peoples feet moving on the ground in a vaguely rythmic pattern became far too much for the neighbours who have moved on from their youth.

The Liberal State Government, who announced their war against night trade in 2014, over two Premiers and one election ago, says they impressed with the results of the prohibition-style lock-out laws against alcohol consumption and live music. They believe the key was to lower foot traffic by 90%.

“The streets are definitely safer, there’s no doubt about that” says Premier Gladys Berejiklian over a late night earl grey.

“Obviously, there is still the unresolved issue of a few restaurants and ice cream stores that feel the need to play upbeat and vibrant music past 9pm in Kings Cross and Surry Hills”

Berejiklian says this kind of anti-social behaviour is a worry in contemporary Sydney, as her entire Government depends on the sale of inner city council housing blocks to developers, who are more inclined to build high rises in suburbs that don’t have people walking in them.

“My office is working with the nearby baby boomers who complain about the noise affecting their property value.

Local Baby Boomer, Adam Quincy-Whitely (65), spoke to the Betoota Advocate about this issue.

“My generation never had it easy! So what if we decided to buy up four terrace houses each in the middle of Sydney’s rowdiest night strip. I shouldn’t have to put up with noise if I don’t want to!”

“I’m a Caucasian post-war Australian. I’ve never had to make a compromise in my life, and I don’t plan on starting now!”

If you are also an inner-city Sydney retiree who spent every weekend in the sixties off your head on psychedelics but now can’t seem to understand people wanting to stay up past 10pm, you can visit either of the following websites to complain about noise:


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