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A Doonside man who manufacturers heavily-cut party drugs for the bikies has today been able to exhale, after learning that the fatal batch of pingers he whipped up last week won’t kill anyone.

Abe Freeman (33) has been working as an urban pharmacist for over five years now, ever since he got released from Silverwater after sharing a cell with a guy who knew how to make pingers.

However, an impulsive decision to test the dust sitting in his pill press this afternoon has given him a real fright.

“That batch is way off” he says.

“I’ve gotta stop smoking cones while I make this stuff. That last batch that I’ve put out on the streets has been cut it with the wrong shit.”

“Those pills will kill someone”

Luckily for Abe, he can continue making borderline crystal meth MDMA tablets in peace, after the NSW Premier today announced her new plan to tackle drug deaths.

Gladys Berejiklian has again ruled out the prospect of pill testing at music festivals despite a leaked draft coroner’s report recommending the move.

Instead, Berejiklian has opted for the tried and true model of preventing young people from dying of ‘being young people’ – By telling them to stop it.

“Just say no” she said.

“Don’t take drugs and you won’t die”

This is a relief for Abe, who was worried that the 8,000 pills that the he just sold to the bikies to peddle out through different levels of street dealers might hurt someone.

But that was before he heard the NSW Premier had told the kids to stop doing them.

“Fuck” he said.

“That was a close one. I thought she might help them identify if their pills were good or bad, but she’s gone for the ol’ Nancy Reagan”

“Here I’m thinking that the thousands of kids heading off to Schoolies next month might get hurt if they decide to try the same type of drugs young people have been doing for about four decades”

“But I’m glad to hear that they are just gonna stop. I don’t want anyone to get hurt”

The State Government is today introducing to Parliament legislation to reinstate a system that requires festivals deemed “high-risk” to meet a safety management plan, and in turn destroy live music in NSW if someone does die from a preventable death – which will also put thousands out of work.

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