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The NSW government’s countless policies aimed at sending music festival organisers bankrupt and creating impossible restrictions for licensed venues to operate within the city limits appear under siege today.
This comes after footage was released of American movie star Kevin Bacon dancing alone in the now sleepy main strip of Sydney’s Kings Cross.
Wearing nothing but acid-washed denim jeans with sandshoes and a singlet, Kevin Bacon was seen taking part in the ultimate taboo, by appearing to fun have in Sydney.
Despite four years of strict monitoring of young peoples behaviour in the retirement belt of Sydney’s inner-east, it seems that even Former Premier Mike Baird’s legacy of Hillsong Sharia (lock-out laws) appear unable to stop the 60-year-old Hollywood star.
It is believed that Gladys Berejiklian’s office was made aware of the rebellious act after countless phone calls from inner-city retires who thought it would be a good idea to spend their twilight years in the heart of Australia’s most vibrant nightlife strip and then got upset about the noise ruining their 7:00pm reruns of BBC murder mysteries.
“The new residents are worried that the light tapping of Mr Bacon’s shoes are going to affect their AirBnBs” said Berejiklian.
With the now disgraced Premier Mike Baird tipped to take over as the Chairman for NAB, Berejiklian has made it clear she is once again taking orders from the Hillsong Church.
“We have spent a lot of time negotiating with residential developers and casino owners about appropriate noise levels in the streets of Sydney, and Mr Bacon’s behaviour is undermining a lot of promises we have made”
“And what’s worse, if he manages to convince any of the other brain-numb empathetic Sydney youth to join him, like he did in Oklahoma back in the eighties, we might end up with some sort of child-killing dance festival”
While religious figures and gambling lobbyists turn to The Bible, nearby sightings of mini-skirts and low-necklines has sent a panic through the halls of NSW Parliament House, who have been campaigning in recent weeks for Hillsong Sharia to be extended outside of Sydney with strong legislation aimed at banning music festivals in a knee-jerk reaction to not knowing what to do with an extremely overstaffed police force.
Premier Gladys Berejiklian says she has no choice but to send in the riot squad.
“Just get rid of him. Shoot him, taser him. Do what you have to do. Stop this revolting behaviour immediately” the Premier was heard barking down the phone at the police commissioner.