Government Warn They’ll Be Forced To Increase Health Funding If Youth Abandon Health Insurance

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

The Minister for Health and the Prime Minister have warned that if young people continue to abandon private health insurance, they may be forced to increase health funding.

GreHun and ScoMo spoke to the media this morning in Canberra just hours after a damning report into the health insurance industry found that young healthy Australians aren’t being responsible adults by taking out a private health insurance policy.

“Look,” started GreHun.

“Young, healthy people are the backbone of the private health insurance industry. Without them, the whole scheme will collapse in the coming years,”

“The Boomers are starting to blow a lot of blue smoke, more than a second-hand whipper snipper on GumTree. Their piston rings are fucked. Some of them also have a rooted pacreas, giving them a rich mix of two-stroke oil, which makes them blow even more blue smoke. This presents a problem for the government. We can’t afford to provide an appropriate level of healthcare to everyone who needs it with our current budget.”

ScoMo interjected.

“I know we try to make it out that every Boomer is rich so the Milennials have someone other than the government to blame their problems on,” he laughed.

“But this is serious. We can’t have submarines, school chaplains, tax cuts for the upper-middle-class and universal health care at the same time. Something has to give,”

“And that thing is the health budget. It’s the health budget because it’s offset by the private insurance sector. Without it, we all suffer. And by all of us, I mean the poor.”

Grehun slapped ScoMo on the back and dabbed.

“Couldn’t have said it better myself, Scott.”

The pair then vacated the Parliamentary Courtyard without feilding any questions from the media.

More to come.