With the 2022 Federal Election campaign underway and Scotty From Marketing back on the road doing what he does best, the Australian voters must decide whether they want the underwhelming Government they know… Or a potential Albanese government they haven’t spent much time thinking about.

While the Australian media focuses on destroying the concept of an Opposition by taking $80 million in advertising for Clive Palmer’s Liberal Preference Deal Party, and actively avoiding any coverage of Albanese, the Morrison government is spruiking their track record as the most competent economic managers on offer.

Ignoring the hundreds of millions of dollars spent on buying votes in marginal electorates with unnecessary car parks and cricket stadiums, or the tens of billions spent on two seperate submarine deals that won’t see any returns for nearly three decades – the voters are being warned by both Morrison, Murdoch and Cotello that Albanese would be worse.

However Maverick Independent MP Bob Katter, the only respectable third option for voters in rural Queensland, who serves as a member for an Outback electorate the size of France – has today thrown his two cents in.

He believes neither Labor and the Liberals are offering any policies that will improve the lives of his constituents in any way, shape or form.

“Federal elections aren’t won, they are lost” began Katter.

“..and that happy clapper from Cronulla is doing his very best to lose this thing. Because if Morrison had his head screwed on he’d be focused on the things that matter like the fact that cash sales have been limited to 10 grand since Turnbull, which is a big issue for the North Queensland Italians, who, like me, are ideologically opposed to letting the bank or the taxman know when we decide to sell a car, or a tractor, or a road train full of stone fruit… And while we are on the topic of pushing around honest farmers let’s talk about how there’s cattle graziers out there forced to protect their fence lines from 7 foot roos with bullshit post-Howard pea shooter rifles that couldn’t blow the froth off a liberal staffer’s cappuccino, and don’t get me started on the bloody crocs. Ever since they began restricting native hunting rights for my brother-cousins in the gulf these bastard lounge lizards have been breeding like Irish Catholics and are running riot in the waterways from the Torres Strait to Betoota”

At time of press, reporters were unsure if Bob was talking about gun rights or animal rights, or the disgraceful rates of anti-Southern European sentiment from the Morrison Government.


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