In a story we haven’t reported on in about 50 minutes, the NRL grand final between Penrith and Parramatta is kicking off this evening to a sold out crowd.

One member of the sold out crowd is Parra fan Matilda Stone who at only five years old has never seen her team win a premiership, as is also the case for her 30-year-old parents.Despite NSW police urging fans to “keep the rivalry family friendly” Matilda is undoubtedly about to learn some new fucken’ words tonight, courtesy of the fans and her own parents.

“We really try not to swear in front of her at home,” stated Matilda’s mum Kirsten who was still wondering if buying her little one a ticket to the grand final was money well spent.

“But if that fucken’ peanut Ashley Klein tries any of his pisstaking bullshit I will be calling for his fucken’ chode-brained head.”

Footy games have always been a place where children have learnt terms like ‘bullshit’ and about how many ordinary men in the stands have rooted a good deal of the first grade player’s wives, but a grand final between bitter rivals promises to have a cursed dictionary full of things kids shouldn’t say, even though it’s pretty funny when they do.

“We just got her to stop saying ‘you suck’ two weeks ago. If I’d have known we were making the grand final I wouldn’t have wasted my time.”

“‘You suck’ is going to be polite conversation by the end of the night.”



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