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The opening of the new Betoota Heights Bunnings was met with great fanfare today, as former Queensland Maroon Michael Crocker did the honours of cutting the ribbon.

The hardware mega-centre is a welcome addition to the hideous urban sprawl in Betoota’s outskirt mortgage belt – where it joins an IKEA, Dan Murphy’s, CostCo and an enormous temple for one of those weird new Asian religions.

It is believed that Wesfarmers, the owners of Bunnings, were momentarily worried that no one would turn up to the opening – as fears grew in their Sydney HQ that a snag in some bread just wouldn’t cut it.

That was until the Former Origin Great Big Dick Mick Crocker rolled into town in a full spec Ford Ranger Raptor blasting ‘Heat’ by 50 Cent.

The former Sydney Rooster, Melbourne Storm and South Sydney Rabbitohs enforcer posed for photos with several middle aged men who wanted to him questions about the time he copped a 9 match ban from the NRL for a grade-four dangerous throw which left Shane Rigon with a concussion and an injured shoulder.

Crocker, who is believed to have made a small fortune selling iodised drinking water and trading cryptocurrencies, was received well by the locals who can’t believe he’s such a good bloke in real life.

In a far cry from his 13 appearances before the NRL judiciary, Crocker was paid $10,000 by the hardware chain to give the mayor a double handed handshake and show off his pearly white veneers for the cameras.

Crocker was reportedly asked numerous times by several punters if he was keen to have a beer down the road at the Heights Tavern, but unfortunately he had the missus in the car and had to keep moving.

His visit to Betoota Heights is now immortalised on a bronze plaque at the entry of the Bunnings.

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