As the NRL continues to descended into pure and utter chaos, CEO Todd Greenberg has made the executive decision to push forward the official launch of the rugby league season by a week.

This comes after the countless sex tape leaks and off-field punch-ons that have dominating headlines in what many describe as ‘the off-season from hell’.

“I don’t care if the fans are ready. I don’t care if we haven’t sold tickets. We are getting these boys on the field this weekend whether we like it or not” said Greenberg in a press conference this morning.

Appearing in front of the media alongside former QLD premier and chairman of the Australian rugby league commission, Peter Beattie.

“Put on your boots. It’s game time”

Beattie says he agrees wholeheartedly with Greenberg’s captain call, and says the sooner we can keep these dumb cunts occupied the better.

“I can honestly say I have never had to deal with anything like this” said Beattie.

“That’s coming from someone who spent decades in Queensland state politics off the back of the Fitzgerald enquiry”

“This is a fucking binfire”

With close to a dozen high-profile players before the courts and hundreds currently shitting themselves about what sex/cocaine/bender-related videos could be released to the public next, Greenberg says for the sake of the game he has made the executive decision to push forward the Storm V Broncos match to this Thursday.

“Bags on the bus boys. You are playing in 48 hours”


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