CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
As tempers flare between the NRL and AFL greats at the centre of tonight’s CODE WARS boxing bout, fight promoter Danny Green has this morning poured petrol on the fire.
At pre-fight promotional event this morning in Melbourne, a last minute match-up has been added to the card.
While Paul Gallen will fight on behalf of those living north of Wagga in the NRL-loving heartlands, and Barry Hall defends the honour of the southern AFL fanbase – the newest bout announced this morning is very much keeping in the line with pitting fighters from different sides of the battle lines.
Former Deputy Prime Minister Barnaby Joyce will be fighting his arch nemesis, the sole Greens MP in the Federal lower house, Adam Bandt.
While facing off at a make-shift weigh-in today outside Margaret Court Arena, both man appeared humbled by the requirement that they both be shirtless for the press.
Adam Bandt’s pale ‘indoor cat’ physique appeared almost transparent against the back drop of the bone white exterior on Rod Laver arena in the distance, with the jutting lumps of his spinal cord casting dotted shadows that highlighted his torso’s only discernible feature.
Barnaby Joyce’s body looks like he’s spent twenty years living off nothing but the contents of the Barcaldine BP hot box. Complete with a bodily heart-disease-crimson hue that appears to darken below his throat, and man-boobs that would get a lot of blokes playing hypotheticals in prison.
As they faced off, it became clear this wasn’t just about their pride, after tumultuous week firing barbs at one another over whose particular political ideology is to blame for this week’s catastrophic bushfires.
The is the real code war.
Bandt representing the Australian Greens. A political party that aims to prioritise the environment and the lesser-off, while also providing inner-city elites with hill to die on during dinner parties with their Liberal-voting neighbours. A mostly white party of progressives who never know if they are saying ‘Koori’ properly. A party with a penchant for two things. The discontinuation of coal and in-fighting amongst each other.
His opponent, Barnaby Joyce, represents the common sense rural working class. As well as the mining, gas and oil conglomerates whose interests he is paid handsomely to protect. A party for the hard-working, fair-dinkum Aussie who hates paying tax and living in Australia while devouring our fragile regional ecosystems in their search for the dirtiest coal they can find until India decides to start using wind power. A party that, much like the Greens, also has a penchant of in-fighting and not listening to the concerns of at-risk younger female staffers.
Fight promoter Danny Green tried his very hardest to separate the pair during their face-off this morning. Bandt continued to stare Barnaby down, but there was no physical confrontation, because they are both politicians which means they are fucking pussies in real life.
However, when push comes to shove, and shove comes to a swinging combo powered by the frustratrations of Australia’s near-useless political classes, who will win?
The bookies say Barnaby at 1.30 because he seems to be very volatile and dangerous, however analysts say Bandt may have the speed – as was highlighted when he rushed to distance his party from that fucken hippy lunatic yesterday that was talking shit about fireys during a live press conference on Climate Change.
The fight is expected to take place at roughly 09.45PM tonight, and hopefully one of them gets as hurt as Hopoate got the last time Paul Gallen put on the gloves.