The Democratic people’s Republic of Western Australia has just let out a massive sigh of relief.

The cause of the giant exhalation over in the Golden West is revelations that the mysterious missing radioactive capsule isn’t as harmful as first thought.

Rumours had swirled around the state this week after revelations that a dangerous radioactive capsule had fallen off a truck somewhere along a 1400 kilometre stretch of road.

It was initially believed the capsule contained caesium, which emits dangerous amounts of radiation and causes horrific side effects.

However, much to everyone’s relief it can be confirmed that the capsule is actually just a filthy forgotten lunch box that fell off the side of a truck.

The unnamed truck driver who has asked The Advocate for anonymity, explained that the radioactive substance was actually just two week old butter chicken.

“Yeah, it was a packed lunch I’d completely forgotten about, and must have fallen out when I pulled over somehow.”

“Just a generic Chicken Tonight home made special, nothing too fancy.”

“But it knocked my socks off when I opened it back up this arvo,” he laughed.

While he said he initially held hopes of rescuing the container, he’s since disposed of it safely.

“Curry and tomato based pasta dishes are hard enough to get out of a tupperware container after 24 hours, let alone a few days in the baking heat.”

“So, the relevant authorities took it off my hands and have disposed of it appropriately.”

More to come.


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