EFFIE BATEMAN Lifestyle Contact

When Sydney local Leslie Barnes had decided to randomly call her dad this morning, she  hadn’t expected to have been hit with such big news delivered in the same cadence her dad used when discussing the weather.

Remembering that she hadn’t called her dad in quite a while, Leslie had taken some time to do a check in on her way to work, expecting to hear the usual complaints about his work, his ‘cunt of a neighbour’ and some queries about her new life living in the fast lane (he could NEVER work in the city, there’s no traffic here in Betoota).

However, when she’d asked him how he was going, she was pretty bloody shocked with the answer. Shocked, and then angry.

“Yeah business has been chock a block with all  the rain, wish your mother was here.”

“I’m going to have to let Zach go, I think he’s been stealing my tools for drugs.”

“Stomach’s been playing up so I’m scheduled for bowel surgery tomorrow.”

“Oh, and bloody had to fork 4 K for a new van the other day.”

Staring at her phone in horror as her dad starts rambling about some fight he got into with a bloke that cut him off in traffic, a frustrated Leslie interrupts him with some very choice words.


“You’re getting surgery? Why the FUCK didn’t you tell me!?”

“Why? What’s been happening?”

“How are you getting home?”

“Fuck sake!”

More to come.


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