EFFIE BATEMAN Lifestyle Contact

In these unprecedentedly shitty times, sometimes the best course of action is to distract yourself in any way possible – and for local woman Sarah Newton that means a heavy dose of retail therapy.

The 25-year-old office clerk today dropped into Queen St. mall for a ‘quick look’, when she found herself wandering deep inside a large department store.

Pausing to grab an armful of discounted tops and skirts, that were, optimistically, a size too small, Sarah piled herself into the nearest change room and began the arduous task of attempting to remove her jeans without unlacing her boots.

She should have known prior to dropping her daks that it’d be impossible to get them back over her shoes again but Sarah has never really been much of a forward thinker. 


Almost ripping the fabric as she attempts to yank a tight pencil skirt up over her thighs, Sarah realises mid pull that the changing room is home to modern-day torture device designed to make people hate themselves from every angle possible – a 360-degree mirror. 

Couple that with the harsh, iridescent lighting that somehow manages to both cup the crescent moon of her belly pouch and highlight just how dimpled her thighs really are, and Sarah finds
herself questioning whether she’s always looked this bad.

She quickly rushes to pull back on her jeans and leaves the store without a purchase, ready to drown her sorrows with the half eaten custard danish crumpled at the bottom of her bag.

More to come.


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