TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact

A full and delusional Ava Martin has been found unconscious on her kitchen floor this afternoon after a housemate returned home to see a sprawled-out Ava surrounded by empty food wrappings and Bolognese stained bowls.

Ava was rushed to Betoota Private Hospital where she had her stomach pumped and is believed to be in a stable condition on an intravenous drip.

Despite being in a stable condition, doctors are worried that Ava’s digestive system may never be the same again.

“This poor frightened girl ate so much spaghetti that we were actually pulling out whole strings of the pasta”

“We even joked that it was in such good condition we could give it a rinse”

“We might have to do that actually, considering there is no pasta left in the supermarket.”

According to our sources, Ava was only on her first day of working from home when she became panicked and stress ate her way through her entire two-weeks’ worth of food rations.

This is the first incident we have heard of panic eating, but we suspect it won’t be the last with the social isolation measures forcing more and more people to stay in their homes.

More to come.


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